THE DISMEMBERMENT PLAN IS COMING TO SEATTLE

You won't see me get this excited about any band coming to Seattle very often. But let me tell you a little story.

Way back when, in my early high school days, I frequented a message board called "All Things Not Weezer." This message board had originally been one of many on Weezer's own website, before their fifth album Make Believe was released (the album that truly displayed their hatred of their fans and of good music). After the album was released, the message boards were reformatted on the website to a nigh-unusable state, and so the boards migrated to a Weezer fanpage. Eventually this board shut down, and the boards migrated to what I believe is their current location on some hidden ProBoard, lurking in the depths of a forgotten time...

Regardless, though, this message board was a happenin' place. It was full of often ruthless Weezer fans who no longer listened to Weezer, had grown up, some had kids and gotten married, most gone on to college and careers and the like. I, among others, was late to the game and was still in high school. Interesting topics were discussed. Music was, of course, among them.

At one point, I decided that I was tired of the bands that I knew of and was aware of, tired of the same old bands I was fed by Fuse (maybe even back when it was Much Music USA), MTV, and the radio. I decided to see what these old, cynical Weezer fans had to offer me with all their elitism and such. I don't remember what my specific questions were, but essentially I asked for new music, for entrance into the fold of the world that we often refer to as... INDIE.

Although they probably gave me more suggestions (some that I looked into and didn't like), two of their suggestions have stuck with me to this day: The Shins and The Dismemberment Plan. The former wasn't anything too terribly groundbreaking; it was more or less folk-rock-pop without the need to appeal to tweens and corporate execs. Still fantastic, though. The Dismemberment Plan, though... something struck a nerve with me. It was exciting, unheard-of, confusing, mind-boggling, and above all, AWESOME. Every band member was insanely talented, but they weren't just a bunch of show-offs. They had fun with their music. They usually had their tongues firmly planted in their cheeks, and when they didn't, they just vomited beauty in a way that I'd never heard before. I had to have more of them, and I had to see them live!

Unfortunately, they no longer existed. They had broken up just a couple of years before I discovered them, after touring the US. Band members went on to less successful acts (and less exciting acts), and then eventually fell into peaceful domestic lives as college professors, math teachers, Boeing employees... something along those lines.

A couple of years ago they reunited for a benefit concert for a friend. I was hoping they'd love it so much that they'd get back together for a longer period of time... but it was not to be. It was a one-off thing that their native fans of Washington, DC enjoyed immensely, and the rest of the world could not see.

Then, recently, they reissued their seminal 1999 album Emergency & I, and behind it decided to go on tour! ...Only around the east coast. Again, I was disappointed to find out I would probably never see one of my favorite bands live.

This morning I checked Facebook. I scrolled down the long list of posts that had happened since I checked it last night. I came across one by the Dismemberment Plan. On March 12th, 2011, they will be playing one show on the west coast before they return to their long slumber. This one show will be in Seattle, at the Showbox Sodo.

I literally started jumping up and down in my seat when I read this. FINALLY, after all these years, I would experience the dancing, the jumping, the grooving, the freak-outs, the insane fun that is said to occur at The Dismemberment's Plan's live shows. I would see them IN THE FLESH playing some of my favorite songs of the past 6 years. Happy birthday to me!!!

If I can get my hands on tickets before they sell out, that is...

--Jon

p.s. from several days later... I GOT MY HANDS ON TICKETS.

Songs to Cover

"Flying Dreams" from The Secret of NIMH
"Empty" by Metric
"Impossible Soul" by Sufjan Stevens [yeah... quite the project...] [maybe something else from Age of Adz]

"Daily Routine" by Animal Collective
everything from Pinkerton by Weezer

something by Broken Social Scene

something by Menomena

something by Grizzly Bear

more stuff probably

--Jon

P.S., Elie, I've written the past ten posts! I think it's your turn.

Songs of Which I Will Never, Ever Play Covers

"Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen (usually played as it was by Jeff Buckley)
"Such Great Heights" by The Postal Service (usually played as it was by Iron and Wine)

any other song played 439857349085734098573948 times by some guy with an acoustic guitar at an open mic.

--Jon

Forgetful Me

Perhaps as a direct result of what was discussed in my previous post, I have become more forgetful than ever. It seems the more things I take on at once, the more my brain is filled with things to think about, the more I forget stuff. I've gotten so forgetful I can't even remember all the things I've forgotten at various points thus far this quarter. They include but are not limited to: important papers for clubs, important details in club emails, baton, sheet music, studying for a test, assignments, wallet, cookies, lunch, doing laundry, showering, the fact that I need to wake up and not fall back asleep, backpack, why I'm holding Elie's water-bottle, watch, phone, dishes, eating dinner, that giving blood means lifting is harder, ensemble rehearsal, telling someone about ensemble rehearsal... I'll just stop there. I have too much shit to keep track of. For some people it may not be too much. For me it is.

And so I'd like to say, to all of you who have been affected by my inability to handle the workload I've taken on... I am sorry. It may continue for the rest of this quarter, maybe even the rest of this year, but next year I will handle myself better, because I will not do as many things. And my brain will not explode.

--Jon

P.S., on a totally unrelated note, I love Western. Just saying.

Finally In Over My Head

Well, well, well. It has been a while (but it's been even longer for Elie).

So it's my third year of college. My second year in the music program. It is kicking my ass. But it's not just the classes; I made the very unintelligent decision of committing to all of the following things, none of which I want to give up, very few of which I CAN give up any time soon:

-17 credits of classes (all music) (=8 classes total)
-Also playing on one piece in WWU Symphony Orchestra (not for credit)
-Secretary of WWU chaper of SWEA
-Vice-President of WWU chapter of CMENC
-Active member of SEE
-Volunteer DJ at KUGS 89.3 FM
-Percussionist in Whatcom Wind Ensemble
-Drummer in Viking Band/Drumline
-Hopefully playing in percussion ensemble
-Volunteer at Amy's Place for Youth
-Half of VR Trainers
-Soon to be employed by CFPA as stage tech
-Having a girlfriend that I want to see and hang out with sometimes
-Keeping my sanity

That last one is looking to be the one that will most likely be dropped in the coming months. In all seriousness, next quarter I will have to drop something. It will probably be Whatcom Wind Ensemble and KUGS. Possibly also SEE. Having a girlfriend isn't going to be dropped in the foreseeable future.

Anyways, I'm losing my mind. I can't concentrate, I'm sleeping less, I'm forgetting shit everywhere I go, I'm not putting as much time into a lot of things as I should... which is why I'm ending this blog now, doing laundry, cleaning my room, going to campus to practice, coming back and assembling a newsletter, renewing my subscriptions to MENC and SWEA, practicing conducting, eating something... I need to do that now.

--Jon

PERSONAL: An Album by VR Trainers

This is the latest from John von Volkli and I. Please enjoy carefully.

--Jon

5-10-15-20... Ripping off a Feature by Pitchfork

So here's music I liked at five year intervals (ala Pitchfork's feature where they interview people and ask them this) in my life because I can't sleep anymore but I don't want to "get up" yet.

AGE 5
Green Day -- Insomniac
I grew up on music my dad listened to, more or less. My mom listened to a lot of bad modern country in addition to what my dad's Beatles and Rolling Stones and Steve Miller and Allman Brothers and Fleetwood Mac. Lots of 70s rock. So when my brother brought home a cassette of this band called Green Day and started playing it on his shitty little tape player speakers, I was a bit excited. I'd never heard anything quite like it. When I tried singing along, my siblings encouraged me not to, because there were bad words! People in the songs weren't happy! My parents didn't like it! On top of it all, it was catchy. It was exciting. This was my introduction to modern alternative rock.

AGE 10
Weezer -- Weezer [The Blue Album]
"In the Garage" was the song that defined me pre-teen puberty years. I was nerdy, anti-social, "misunderstood," etc. This entire album felt like it could have been sung by me (at least that's what I felt like when I listened to it back then). Somehow it gave me strength to be like "YEAH, fuck everyone, I can be myself! ...By sitting alone in my bedroom and listening to Weezer and playing video games." Again, I discovered this album through my brother. While he was also getting into Sublime and various hip-hop and bad rap-metal... Weezer was the one band that sung to me. Even though Weezer was geeky and totally uncool... they were, paradoxically, the coolest band ever to me. In reality, I wasn't all that disillusioned or sad. I was just a little bit weird for a ten-year-old. Still, nothing made that weirdness feel as okay as Weezer. Several years later, their later albums would find their way into my hands, followed by their 1996 masterpiece sophomore effort, Pinkerton, which would firmly entrench their place in my musical heart.

AGE 15

Radiohead -- OK Computer

Winter/Spring 2005 was a rough time in adolescence. MySpace was the name of the game. Sad sad sad depressed depressed depressed, hoping someone would come save me from my own misery. Luckily, instead of dressing like a dark anime character and listening to bad, depressed pop-punk-emo, I got into Radiohead, which has since become my favorite band. Before this, all I had heard from them was a few songs from 2003's Hail to the Thief and all of 1995's The Bends. OK Computer (1997) turned out to be perfectly ironic for the me that wanted nothing more than to hide behind a computer screen and feel my social skills further devolve while listening to Thom Yorke wail about paranoia and the devolution of Western civilization in the face of technological evolution. And that was 8 years before I heard it all. At 15 years old I couldn't quite comprehend the scale of what Radiohead was getting at, but the music pretty much blew my mind. I didn't know guitars could make those noises! I didn't know those chord progressions were ALLOWED. I didn't know songs could be so crazy yet so amazing. Radiohead was my gateway drug to even crazier music... but they're still my favorite today.

AGE 20

Igor Stravinsky -- The Rite of Spring

I don't know if I will ever love a classical piece of music as much as this. If you've called my phone in the past year, you'd know that one of its memorable sections is my ringback tone (well, was... I didn't feel like paying $2 to renew it, and a lot of people hated it anyways). The Rite of Spring caused RIOTS when it was premiered. Many (such as myself) remember being terrified by it and the accompanying earth-birth/dinosaur scene from Disney's Fantasia. The piece was first accompanied by a ballet, the original choreography of which has been lost, but modern choreographers still manage to make incredibly horrifying and primal dances to go along with it today. Nothing has ever been able to achieve quite what Igor Stravinsky's ridiculous piece has. After going years having forgotten it, my Art of Listening to Music class reminded me of its fantastic horrors. I haven't looked back since. I can only dream of writing music so seemingly paradoxically visceral and intellectually challenging.

--Jon

Five (5) (V) Albums to Which I Have Been Listening Lately

In no particular order (except for when I think of them):

Sufjan Stevens -- All Delighted People EP

Until Friday, when my favorite project/genre/state-hopping singer/songwriter/storyteller/composer announced that he would be releasing a brand new full length album entitled The Age of Adz in October, I was confused as to why Stevens referred to this completely-out-of-nowhere album as an EP; it's 60 minutes long (most EPs are less than 30 minutes) and it's pretty dense (and excellent, I might add). Then, upon the aforementioned full-length announcement, I realized that this is more of a prelude to that full-length. Regardless, upon first excitedly listening to this album all the way through, sitting on my bed under the covers, laptop fulfilling its namesake (by sitting on my lap), Sennheiser headphones covering my ears... I was totally blown away. Fans of his hadn't had new recorded SONGS from him since 2006, when he released Illinois outtakes and a Christmas boxset. This was much-needed. Sufjan's voice is braver, but also more panicked. His orchestrations are more erratic and adventurous. His palette has expanded, now encompassing 70s prog, blues and psychedelia (although he had hinted at these colors previously, here they form the primary bases at several points). Of course, he also plays his old low-key-acoustic-whisper and haunting-piano-ballad cards, but this time around the cards are new and improved, breaking out in subtle but noticeable ways (whether using strange chord progressions, strange melodies, or even just drenching his vocals in reverb/delay). Throughout the entire "EP," powerful but ambiguous emotions take root and threaten to explode (at some times doing so with the energy of an atomic bomb, and with far more frequency than ever in his previous work), from the nails-on-chalkboard Psycho-esque ending of the title track to the several chanted climaxes of set-closer "Djohariah," which seems to be a heartfelt ode to his little sister and her troubles in life... in the form of an 18-minute Pink Floyd-inspired jam, choirs and brass invited. Perhaps my opinion of this album can be best represented by telling you what I did right after finishing listening to it for the first time: I went back to the beginning and listened to again, all the way through. Considering this is probably just a hint of what's to come, maybe even the leftovers to hold us over... I'm ecstatic for what's to come. Album of the year? I'm betting on it.

Okay, I can't talk that much about the rest of these albums...

The Knife -- Silent Shout

2006 was the year I started paying attention to indie music (ie, reading Pitchfork). At that point, evilly-catchy/catchily-evil electro-pop didn't sound appealing to me. Now it's my the perfect antiodte for summer boredom. So yes, I'm a little bit late to the game of realizing how awesome The Knife's 2006 LP is (especially this song; I cannot help but dance a little when I hear it). I don't really dance. When I do, it's more just bobbing around at the concerts of bands I really like, or bobbing around in front of my computer or while I'm driving or playing an instrument or something. I'm always really excited when I find dance music this inventive that actually makes me want to bob around unashamedly.

The Arcade Fire -- The Suburbs

My putting this album on this list might be a little bit misleading. Although I've been a pretty big fan of The Arcade Fire for several years... this is definitely my least favorite album by them. While most critics and fans have been adoring it, I find the great majority of it to be incredibly boring. Maybe it's the several songs that can be described as "moderate tempo, folky, major-key, four-chord shuffles," or the fact that the instrumentation this time around is profoundly unadventurous and low-key, or how Win Butler keeps repeating the same little slogans (ie, "the kids"), or just how incredibly PRETENTIOUS the whole thing is, from the album title to the tracklisting (ah yes, two-part songs (actually just two different songs that happen to have the same name). Regardless of my criticism for it, The Suburbs does have its high points. "The Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains)" is a fun song, and I thoroughly enjoy "Ready to Start," "Empty Room," and "Month of May." Beyond that... most of it is just pretty damn mediocre to my ears; not enough over-the-top bombast for my Arcade Fire taste. And while they've tended to take themselves a bit too seriously for awhile now, at least on Funeral they sounded like they had fun writing the songs.

Yeasayer -- Odd Blood

Okay, I've only really been listening to a handful of songs from this album ("Madder Red" is my current favorite)... but I have a feeling the rest of it is about to grow on me. And that handful of songs is really interesting. The production on it reminds me a bit of Paul Simon's Graceland without just doing the whole indie-hipster-world-music-crossover thing (*coughvampireweekendcough*). They write fun pop-rock songs, and then make them really cool. The whole thing is very 80s-esque somehow. It's hard to explain. Again, haven't listened too much, need to listen more. Just take my word for it and listen yourself.

Broken Social Scene -- Forgiveness Rock Record

Broken Social Scene has been one of those bands for me where I remember a couple of songs, and I know the rest are good... they just don't stick in my head. They're always pleasant to listen, but I don't go to them very often. They're like that guy/girl you're not really friends with, but you have friends that know them pretty well, and they're always fun to hang out with, but you know you just don't care enough to actually "become friends" with them (On second thought... I don't think I actually know anyone like that. Maybe I do. I don't know. I'm too sleepy to think about this.). With this album, Broken Social Scene got rid of the excess members and sonic space-hoarders, slimming down to the core members and streamlining their sound. The result speaks for itself. This was a triumph. I'm making a note here: huge success. It's hard to overstate my satisfaction. Aperture Scie--er, the album is really good. I remember more songs. The album is easier to listen to all the way through without forgetting that you're listening to an album. You're no longer wincing trying to figure what instruments are playing where/when in that mess of musicians fighting for breathing room in the mix. It's more song-based rather than sonic-journey-through-a-low-budget-museum based. Take a listen for yourself. "Forced to Love" is my favorite track.

~ * ~

Okay, I need to go to sleep. I woke up at 5:50 this morning about, and it was about 2:00am before I finally got to sleep before that I think. So I'm a bit sleep deprived. BUT I'M IN BELLINGHAM. Today is a good day, because I am no longer in the old-people-colony that is Sequim.

--Jon

What Makes a Good Video Game [for Me]

I'm rather picky when it comes to video games. I generally don't enjoy first-person shooters, MMORPGs, or sports games. I've come to realize that there are a few important things I look for in a game that many other people probably don't really care about.

MUSIC
In order for me to fully enjoy a video game, it should have an appropriate soundtrack that goes far beyond background music and actually contributes to the mood of the game. Be this mood horror, sorrow, thrilling suspense, or pure unadulterated epicness, a game's soundtrack should fully complement the action that's taking place. My favorite movies tend to have excellent soundtracks as well. I guess being that music tends to consume my life (in a good way!), it's not surprising that video game music, of all things, would be so important to me.

GAMEPLAY
Probably a big ol' DUH. At least it should be. But people tend to buy those stupid Madden games every year. When it's essentially the same game. With slightly different teams. And nowadays not even slightly improved graphics. EA Sports has suckered in so many stupid, rich bros into buying sports games every year, so good for them, I guess? In any case, the game just needs to be FUN to play. It shouldn't be too much of a labor, or merely addicting, or anything like that. That's why I can't get into as many Western RPGs and MMOs; once you get down to it, the gameplay is really boring. You press attack, and then stand there. Sometimes you cast a spell. Then you run to the next guy, hoping to get a good random drop from each fight. Booooring. At least in something like Shadow of the Colossus, where you're running from fight to fight, the way to the fight is actually REALLY PRETTY and interesting, and then the fights themselves are epic as all hell. I'm also a big fan of interesting and inventive gameplay, ala Heavy Rain, Katamari, and Flower. A game should, in some way, entertain me.

STORYLINE
Sometimes this isn't so important, but games with interesting, emotional storylines tend to be my favorites. I'll often play video games for the same reason that people read and watch Harry Potter. I want to be sucked into a world with real characters making real decisions, having real effects on the world around them. This is why I love Final Fantasy. On top of the fantastic music that I already showcased, Final Fantasy has great storylines. It's not Shakespeare; there are sometimes gaping plot holes and completely undeveloped characters and shoddy writing in general, but the game is big enough that you can ignore the little things and focus on the big, epic picture. Even if the storyline is only implied through visuals, like in Flower, it can make or break a game. On the other hand, I can forgive games like Katamari, Fat Princess, and LittleBigPlanet for having outright stupid storylines, because those light-hearted games would suffer if they had some kind of immense story with heavy character development and such. But even games like Silent Hill or Metal Gear Solid need good stories to push them from "decent game" into "great game" territory.

~ * ~

That's, uh... that's it.

--Jon

Sequim: Land of Death

I have a friend named Joey who I met in high school and lived in Sequim for a long time before moving to Bellingham awhile after he graduated. I was talking to him about Sequim one time, and why we both didn't like it. He said one reason, maybe even the main reason, is because Sequim is a place where people go to die.

He was, of course, referring to Sequim's status as a huge retirement town. I think some magazine rated it one of the top retirement communities in the country (http://www.ehow.com/list_6018059_retirement-places-west-coast.html). Old people are the majority in Sequim. The median age is 59. The newspaper obituary is never empty. The overall mood of the town is affected by this, I think. Working at Radioshack, I see a lot of people at the ends of their lives, some holding on by a few threads. I'm always half-expecting someone to fall down dead in front of me. It's unnerving and depressing. I don't particularly enjoy thinking about or being around death. Maybe it's some supernatural thing where all the death in the town just gives off weird vibes. Or maybe it's just my dad being an asshole giving off weird vibes.

For whatever reason, I'm never as happy in Sequim. I never feel as good. I'm never as inspired to do anything. I don't enjoy life as much. I always just want to leave as soon as possible, or at least forget that I'm here by distracting myself with video games, friends (when they feel like calling me back), books, music, the internet via coffee shops and work, and anything else that can make me forget how miserable this town seems to make me. I've tried to tell myself it's all in my head, that I can be happy here. I'm beginning to think that I can't.

When I moved to Bellingham, my average happiness level went through the roof. Elie definitely had at least some sort of impact on this. But it was also being away from the old people of Sequim, the death, the warped and tired perspectives, finally being outside of the social/political/general-worldview bubble that is the northern Olympic Peninsula (I've lost count of the number of times people have come into Radioshack talking about TV or radio, in the process revealing that they basically just like to watch Fox News or listen to Rush Limbaugh/Glenn Beck). I enjoy being around people that at least try to know what they're talking about, people who want to be where they are... I don't know, I'm about to start babbling, so I'm just going to stop while I'm ahead. I need to stop writing depressing blogs; I swear I'm not as depressed as this makes me seem, I just can't stand being in Sequim and cannot wait to get back to Bellingham.

--Jon

Those Evil "Illegals"***

I don't know if you were all aware, but those Mexicans are all out to get us. Yep, it's true. They're invading from their foreign country specifically to take away our way of life from us those of us who work so hard to keep it. Those liberal hodge-podgers may tell you that they're just looking for an escape from the ridiculous hardships of their own country to find a better way of life, and anyone in their right mind would do the same, because what other reasons would they risk death from dehydration by crossing hundreds of miles across the Arizona desert for days... BUT THEY LIE.

No, those gorsh-durned "illegals" are out to get us. They want to be forced into jobs where they're underpaid (but still paid more than they would ever be in Mexico) under the table by the completely righteous and proud and Jesus-blessed American industrial farms, and then take advantage of the gaping holes in our welfare system, so that they can take away food stamps from the people that really deserve it, like my pregnant teenage daughter that I and my underfunded overly Conservative school district failed to teach proper sex education to!

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not racist, no sir. I have one friend whose great great grandmother was a Mexican! That right there proves I'm not racist. In addition, I thoroughly respect any Mexican who was born fortunate enough to come from a family that was able to get him the training to be considered "highly qualified" by our standards, then is able to jump through the endless hoops to be able to even be in the USA legally, let alone live here [see here for a detailed flowchart]. Yep, those people and no others deserve to be here. Undocumented workers from Canada and Europe are okay, though, because they're wh--er, uh... WELL THEY JUST ARE. THOSE MEXICANS ARE STEALING FROM US I TELL YOU. YEAH.

--Jon's Ignorant Evil Twin***

***The character portrayed by this post is fictional. Undocumented workers are human. They deserve our sympathy. If you were in their shoes, and you had the opportunity to risk your life for the possibility of a better one, would you not do it simply because it's against the principles of "AMURRICUH!!!11!"? Remember, these are the people that make those cheap TV dinners at Wal-Mart possible. They essentially run the farms and factories where your food comes from. Open your eyes.

Just Another Way McCleary Screwed Me Up

Western Washington University has this nifty program called Blackboard through which students can have access to documents used in class and such. Some teachers post grades on this program. Until recently, it used to show your grade for individual assignments as well as a comparison to the average score. This comparison to the average was helpful in showing me if I did well or poorly. For example, if I got a B- on a test, I didn't feel so badly if the average was a C, but if the average was a B+, I would not feel so great.

Within the last few months, Blackboard has changed dramatically, and I was surprised and rather upset to find that our grades are no loner compared to the class average. How am I supposed to know if I did well or not?! Then I thought, wait. My best should be compared to ME, not other people. And then I wondered where this obsession with comparing myself to other people came from.

I thought back to my previous schooling and found the answer. When I was in late elementary school and all throughout middle school, students would pass their papers to a fellow classmate to grade. The teacher would read off the answers out of the grade book while someone else was responsible for grading someone else's assignment. Then, to save time, no doubt, the teacher would move to his/her computer. One by one, he/she would call out students' names. Whoever graded that person's paper would call out that person's grade in front of the class.

The issue was first created by having our answers seen by another person. What if you messed up and looked like a fool? Well, being obsessive about grades, I often did very well on my assignments, so I usually didn't have much to fear. But because I was known as the smart person of the class, it was always a huge deal when someone else got a better grade. Of course everybody knew if they got a better grade than me because our grades were shouted across the classroom daily. Even from my friends, I would receive a slap in the face if I did worse than anybody. Doing better than me was a huge accomplishment for other people, and they made sure they let me know how pleased they were to be better than the smart girl. The situation worsened in 8th grade when my friend from Alabama moved to McCleary and joined my class. He was clearly smarter than me (than I?), but I worked much harder, and I spent my 8th grade year trying to be better than him, and everybody knew the competition I had. My bad grades were always rubbed in my face.

Due to those experiences in my early schooling, I have continued to compare myself to other people constantly. So perhaps this lack of class average on Blackboard is a step in the right direction. But darn it, McCleary, you really screwed me up.

Love,

Elie

Various Babblings That Deserve Far Better Articulation

I don’t talk about my brother very much, mostly because we don’t have very much in common. In short:

My brother is a Marine, currently stationed in Afghanistan, with a home, wife, and dogs (I think three) in Arizona. I’m a comparatively yuppie college kid studying music in the Pacific Northwest.

He likes music that a lot of normal people his age like, ie Sublime, mainstream rock, country, hip-hop, etc. I think. I haven’t talked to him about music in awhile. I like music that’s often bizarre for the sake of being bizarre.

My brother likes big trucks driving around in the mud and going really fast. I like wimpy little hybrid cars that can do little more than get around town (if any I have to like any cars at all).

My brother’s in the military. I’m essentially a pacifist.

Even on the psychological level, I’m really introverted and passive, while my brother is definitely extroverted and active.

Other than the fact that we are brothers, we look like brothers, and our voices sound the same over the phone (which my grandma never fails to mention when I talk to her), it’s hard to find anything in common between my brother and me. But our parents are the same, we grew up together; we are family. Still, I rarely talk to him anymore, not because I don’t care about him, but because I’m caught up in my own little world, and I figure he’s caught up in his own little world, and I figure we won’t have much to talk about anyways, and we won’t really see eye-to-eye on much.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this. Maybe I don’t appreciate my family enough. Maybe I don’t really “get” family. Probably both. But no, I do appreciate my family; I’m just very bad at showing my appreciation. Whenever anyone else talks about their family and how close they are, my mind is boggled a little bit. I can’t imagine actually being “close” to my family, mostly because my dad is so alienating and my extended family is even more different than the way I even think.

Family in general is just something of an anomaly to me, which is probably one of the many reasons I have absolutely no desire to have one. Why don’t I understand it? How did I end up this way, when my dad often expresses how family is “numero uno”? My dad is such a strange person, and I doubt I’ll ever actually understand him. Likewise, I doubt he’ll ever actually understand me.

Ugh. Life. I can’t wrap my mind around it. Hence, I throw these thoughts out the window and just try to make the most of it on my own.

Anyways, back to my original purpose for writing this, I think: my brother, Carl, is in Afghanistan, where people kill one another over religious and nationalist and tribal bullshit. I can’t imagine what it’s like knowing that a group of people outside my bed want to kill me and everyone around me. He chose this life, yes, but no one should have to experience that. War is absolute crap. Yes, I “support our troops,” because I want them to come home where they belong, my brother included. You don’t have to support “missions” and wars to be patriotic.

I love America. There are many worse places. But I’ll be damned if this place couldn’t be better, starting with our leaders’ general gung-ho attitude about our place in this world.

Is war ever truly necessary? Of course. That’s the one thing I can’t stand about it. World War II. How many more lives would have ended if we didn’t fight back? How many lives ended because we fought back? What if we’d never needed to fight back? What if we’d fought back earlier? Would our view of the war be different? I don’t know. It scares me that we have the capability now to end all life on this planet in an instance, and I really, really hope we, as a species, don’t put that capability to use.

In other words: cherish your life, cherish your loved ones, cherish the people that you don’t really like at all. You never know when they’ll be gone. Be thankful for what you have. Happy early Independence Day.

--Jon

Vegetarian Criticism

I kind of hate that this is my third post about this, and my second in the past few days, but I feel the need to address it.

For a few reasons, I've been pretty adamant about not pushing my new-found vegetarian views onto my friends and others. One reason is because it's such a recent thing, and although I definitely plan on doing this for the rest of my life, at this point I understand that it would be hard for most to believe this given the number of people that try vegetarianism or veganism for a short period of time and then decide to go back to eating meat. The second reason I've been relatively quiet about this recent lifestyle-choice-change is because I know there are some vegetarians that are very pretentious, elitist, forceful, and just plain mean to meat-eaters about their diet and such. I don't want to be one of those people. What I choose to consume is my own choice, and what someone else chooses to consume is theirs.

The third reason I don't like talking about becoming/being a vegetarian has become more apparent since becoming one. People will criticize me for it every chance they get. Often time, they will criticize me based on common misconceptions, assumptions, stereotypes, and misunderstandings. I've been accused of being a vegetarian simply because Elie did, and I'm just following her because I want her to like me more or something. As a matter of fact, if you read my last posts, you'll find this is false; Elie decided to follow my choice (although it was probably less hard for her, as she already ate far less meat than me). I became a vegetarian by my own accord, although it was largely influenced by arguments presented in videos by YouTube's popular vegetarian/other-stuff guy Onision, as well as by things I've learned in environmental studies and environmental science. Even in those classes, though, I tried to play devil's advocate and imagine that they were presenting the extremest side of things. This was a hard position to defend. All things considered, vegetarianism is the most rational choice to make from what I can see.

People tell me that humans evolved to eat meat, that the reason our brains became such enhanced specimens is because of the nutrients we got from eating meats, and the reason we were able to eat it is the incisors in our teeth. This may be true, but it's also true that we can now obtain these nutrients without eating meat. We now have the choice to eat meat or not to. Most people choose to eat meat because it is socially accepted and because it's traditionally what is available to those that need the nutrients found in them. Because alternatives are available, I'd rather not directly create demand for the killing of animals, simply because I cherish their lives too much.

I watched videos of animals being brutally and cruelly killed (although the videos were assembled by PETA, who I admit has rather questionable tactics; regardless, animals are slaughtered, and I can barely watch), and I told myself that if I wanted to keep eating meat, I should be able to watch it without feeling remorse. I failed my own test. Honestly, I thought I would pass. At the time, I enjoyed a nice, juicy double bacon cheeseburger as much as the next guy. Now, after watching a cow's or a pig's throat get slit while it's still conscious and screaming in agony, that cheeseburger doesn't seem so appealing.

When considering all environmental factors and everything, vegetarianism does less total harm to the planet, too. This is a very important factor. I've been trying to be environmentally conscious for the past several years, and this is the next step in that growth process for me. Helping keep this miracle of a planet as habitable as possible for future generations of all living things is important to me.

If you're reading this and you're a meat-eater who would criticize me, I challenge you to test yourself the same way that I did. Watch some videos of farm animals being slaughtered. Then cook yourself a cheeseburger or your meat of choice while watching it. Do you still feel like you're making the right choice?

In short, stop criticizing me. I'm not judging you, so stop judging me. I'm not going to force my beliefs on you. If you don't bring it up, I won't. If you offer me meat, I'll simply say, "No thanks, I don't eat meat," and it can end there if you want it. I'd like it to. Just leave me and my choices alone, because even after only a couple of these kinds of conversations, I'm already sick of answering the same aggressive questioning and rebutting the same inane accusations.

--Jon

It's Summer and I'm Sitting in a Classroom

As I was reading through some of the older blog posts from Squirrel Baggers United, I came across a few posts I had written about stress. And yes, this is yet another blog post about stress. You may skip if you wish.

My summer classes started this week, and my stress level has hit the roof. My brain is like, "Reading? Aaaah! Projects? Aaaah! Lesson plan? Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!" It's like my brain has forgotten that I've done all this before (maybe minus these in-depth lesson plans). So brain, please just calm the heck down.

While I've been stressing, I've been thinking. The issue is that I'm now learning how to teach and being graded on it. I'm terrified that I'll not like what I'm learning, which means I won't like the content I'll be teaching as a professional, and/or that I'll get a bad grade which means I am not a good teacher now. I'd like to think I'll LOVE what I teach (even if it's grammar) and that I'm already a pretty decent teacher, although I know I have a lot to learn. I just can't stand the idea of getting a B on a lesson I've taught. So now my brain is freaking out in anticipation of any of these things happening.

I keep telling myself that once I receive a grade on my first lesson plan and lesson I actually carry out, I'll feel better. But what if I do horribly? Shut up, brain. Just shut up.

Oh, I also realized that today is the 23rd of June. Where did the month go? It's almost July. That means summer is like half over. Then it dawned on me that I'll be a teacher before long, especially if time keeps moving at such a ridiculous speed (it didn't used to go this fast, I swear). So now I'm like "I need to become a great teacher NOW. There's not much time left!"

The more I write this down, the more ridiculous I feel. Okay, so getting a B on a lesson plan isn't going to kill me. It may not even mean I'll be the world's worst teacher.

Just calm down. Sheesh.

Happy summer, everyone.

--Elie

I M 4 Rlz

^^^translation: I am for reals.

With that out of the way, in the last post I made about vegetarianism, it was more of a "I'll try," "hopefully" kind of thing. Well, in the words of Yoda, "Do or do not; there is no try." And I am doing. Meaning, I am now "officially" (whatever that means) a vegetarian. Eating meat is a no-no for me nowadays. But I'm not going to eat that stupid imitation meat crap; most of the ones I've tried taste like crap. And that's just lame. Tofu, beans, etc is where it's at.

Today I was riding my bike from my house to Port Angeles, and I passed a field of cows. I stopped by one that was near the fence; its eyes were absurdly pretty. I couldn't eat that! Meat doesn't look appealing to me anymore, especially the more it looks like part of an animal's body. That was part of what made meat okay to eat before; often it didn't look like a creature's flesh. But now I'm forcing myself to think about the fact that it IS a creature's flesh, and I shouldn't be eating it. Or at least, I don't think I should be. I have too many other options, to the point that I do not feel comfortable eating an animal.

As a disclaimer... if some sort of apocalypse or complete societal breakdown were to happen, and my options became more limited... I would likely eat meat. But I don't think that's going to happen any time soon.

--Jon

My Place and Amy's Place

Hello world! It is summer!

With my roommate gone, the apartment is empty and incredibly quiet (not like she was loud anyway), and Jon is at his home. Well shoot, there went 97% of the people I interacted with.

At first, right as classes were ending, I was like, this is going to be great. I can stay up late reading books and watching movies and not have to get up early and go to class. I can cook real food (more real than throwing some vegetables and cheese onto a tortilla, adding heat, and calling it a quesadilla), read a million great books, hang out downtown Bellingham, go the the park...

And all that was working out fabulously. But then Jon left and I thought, oh my goodness. I'm on my own now. Nobody's here to take care of me or take the bus with me to fun places. Feeling sorry for myself, I tried to keep myself busy. Then I thought, I'm doing this wrong. Normal people are working. At jobs. Real people have jobs. And they talk to people (and drink...mostly drink). I'm not a normal person. Why aren't I normal? Why am I doing this wrong?

I tried to remind myself that finding a part-time job in Bellingham would probably be nearly impossible...and I don't really want a job. I'm happy getting paid here and there from Fair Portia...which is sort of a job.

As I continued to feel sorry for myself, I finally got in touch with this guy running this organization-type-thing which brings college students to a local teen shelter called Amy's Place (google "Amy's Place Bellingham" - I dunno how to put a link into this blog). I got to the shelter at 6:00 pm and stayed until closing at 11:00 pm.

While I was there, I sorted and organized clothes and chatted with some of the people, both volunteers and local homeless and/or battered peopled aged 18 to 25. I was nervous before going there tonight, as I hadn't been there before. Although I want to teach inner-city youth, I was afraid that my first interaction with these people at the shelter wouldn't go well. I thought that I wouldn't be able to converse with them and would be too busy thinking, oh my god. They're homeless and on drugs. I have my own apartment and go to college and have nice shoes. They'll hate me.

Actually, it all went well. Some of the youths talked about being beaten by their parents and others talked about taking drugs, but I surprised myself by not being judgmental. I knew these people were good-hearted, even if they took drugs, and I didn't pity them to the extent where I wasn't comfortable talking to them. It just made me want to help them.

Once again, I found myself wondering if I should be a teacher. I looked around at the building and saw all the wonderful clothes, food, furniture, and friendship Amy's Place has created, and I had a desire to devote my life to this. But my place is in the classroom, and I do believe I can help students to succeed at and say in school. Shelters and schools are both vitally important, and I choose school as my area of focus.

Maybe I'm still not feeling like a normal person who should be working and not living off her grandmother's money, but at least I did something worthwhile today.

--Elie

There Will Be Blood

I haven't been following the Gulf of Mexico oil crisis very carefully, but I've read enough (see: 'very little') to know that this is turning out to be a serious tragedy. Over twenty years ago, we experienced a similar environmental disaster. In 1989, 11 million gallons of oil spilled into Alaskan waters and killed thousands of animals, in the worst oil spill the country had ever seen. This spill has almost definitely already surpassed that one in amounts of oil; best estimates were at 30 million gallons as of May 27, and that was a week ago. Species are likely to go extinct because of our carelessness. We're destroying our planet. You'd think we'd have learned after twenty years, but it's obvious we haven't. We're madly in love with our oil, and we'll go through any means to obtain it, even turning a blind eye to meth-use/porn-watching on government computers/cronyism amongst government overseers and BP staffpeople. This is absurd. We can't do this anymore. None of us are innocent. I don't know what we can do to fix it, but we need to right now before we kill ourselves and everything else off.

~ * ~

“All our lauded technological progress -- our very civilization -- is
like the axe in the hand of the pathological criminal.” -Albert Einstein

~ * ~

--Jon

p.s., the title of this blog is a reference to the movie of the same name.

[edit (6/12/10): I find it funny that people are most worried about the oil hitting the coast, as if there is just empty water between the coast and the rig. THE MARINE HABITATS are what we should be worried about, not our precious goddamn coasts.]

An Ongoing List of Things That, Contrary to Popular Belief, Are Not Cool [updated]

-drawing a mustache on your finger and holding it to your face
-drawing a mustache on your face
-"shutter shade"/"Kanye West" sunglasses
-Sublime
-singing Sublime songs really loudly on the balcony of the apartment above me
-Bob Marley
-celebrating every cultural or pseudo-cultural holiday by getting hammered
-pretending to be ironically faux-sexist/racist/homophobic when really you're just trying to hide the fact that you're ACTUALLY sexist/racist/homophobic
-doing anything stupid/ridiculous/etc "ironically"
-slack-lining
-saying that you're engaged, pregnant, or broken up on April Fool's Day
-taking photographs of people jumping mid-air
-taking photographs of yourself
-uggs
-crocs
-high heels
-wearing so much makeup your face looks like it's made of wax
-...actually, wearing makeup, period
-fulfilling stereotypes
-smoking hookah

I shall think of more...

Bad People

Over spring break, Jon and I took the greyhound from Olympia to Bellingham. Good idea, right? Nope. While we were at the Olympia station, one woman was yelling (yes, really yelling) at the woman who worked at the ticket booth place, because her daughter (I think) wasn't allowed to bring an extra piece of luggage on the bus. Her rationale was that the girl has a service dog, and that dog was allowed to "have" one piece of luggage. This was a rational argument, but the woman was being totally unreasonable. She was being very mean to the employee, and her behavior was absolutely unacceptable.

But then I thought what makes people "bad." Here are a few reasons why someone would be a "bad" person:

-They were born with a mental illness that makes them angry and irrational.
-They were raised by parents who were angry, abusive, etc.
-They encountered a life-changing event that caused them to hate life and everything about it.

Why else would someone be like this nasty woman?

Furthermore, if she was subject to one of these reasons, it's not HER fault that she's a "bad" person. I'm convinced that behind everyone's terrible actions, there is a reason that is beyond their control. Okay, maybe not totally beyond their control, but enough to pre-dispose them to to have such behavior.

Just a thought.

--Elie

An Open Letter to Everyone

Dear World,

Every time you put an 'h' in my first name, God kills seven kittens. Please, think of the kittens.

Love,

--Jon

I Have a Surprise for You

I'm Jewish! SURPRISE!

I was working with a student (who is Asian; I won't specify his ethnicity) at the high school today, and I was reading with him about the Israel/Palestine conflict. We got to a part about the day Israel gained independence. I said something about how "we celebrate that day as a holiday" and had to explain that I was Jewish myself. The student's reaction was a lot like the reaction from the other student who found out I was Jewish. He was so amazed. Again, I couldn't really find out why he was so surprised. I'm guessing that he had never met a Jew before. Maybe it was like meeting a celebrity. No, really. Maybe he has only read about Jews is books and seen them on TV. Maybe meeting one was a big deal.

Reflecting on these two Surprise-I'm-a-Jew events, I wonder if I shouldn't be telling students I'm Jewish. It's not like I'm skipping around shouting "Hey, everyone! I'm Jewish!" I mention it when students are learning about Israel or Hebrew or something related to Judaism. That way, I can help their learning experience.

Okay, but religion should stay out of the classroom, right? The way I see it, I don't mention the religious part of Judaism if I can get around it. I'm culturally Jewish rather that religiously (interpret that how you wish), and I believe that students must learn about other cultures. What better to learn about a foreign culture than to meet someone who identifies with that culture? But something tells me that I should keep my mouth shut, because one of these days, it might cause a problem...

--Elie

Imagine Shakespeare Got Drunk...

Think about what would happen if Shakespeare got completely wasted. I mean like his friends are considering taking him to the hospital for alcohol poisoning. But right before his liver just about exploded, he wrote the worst piece of shit script his inebriated brain could possibly concoct. Now imagine Uwe Boll found this script and translate it into modern (awful) English and set it in modern-day San Francisco. While also drunk. And then decided to produce a movie using said script. Now imagine a freshman at a rather unprestigious film school was ordered to direct this movie (also while drunk), and given a cast of actors who had only acted one time each, all in either soap operas or WE/Hallmark/Lifetime movies. Except the lead role, which was given to a French homeless guy.

This is what the movie The Room is like. It's magnificent. You must watch it.

--Jon

Take the Good and Bad and Make the Best of It

Title courtesy of The Republic Tigers.

I had a really good morning! Then I had sort of a lousy afternoon. But it's okay! It's funny how life plays out. But lemme start from the beginning.

I volunteered for 2 hours at the high school today, and I worked with one girl who usually doesn't want help from anybody. We worked pretty well together, and she wasn't rejecting my being there at all. Next I worked with a boy who really doesn't like reading, and his assignment was to read to me. Long story short, we got to talking about my bio-anth class, and he said that evolution isn't real. Then he asked if I was Christian. I told him I was Jewish, and he was really surprised! He started asking me questions about my family and if both my parents were Jewish. At one point he asked why I was Jewish in the first place. It was a little awkward because I could hardly understand him, and it was a bit concerning because I wasn't sure if he started to hate me because I'm taking a class about evolution and I'm Jewish. But we talked. We actually had a conversation, and that was impressive. He might hate me now, but, heck, it was worth it. While he was reading to me, the girl I worked with first came over and asked for help. She actually ASKED for help. This is the girl who doesn't ask for help. And if she does, she'll ask the teacher. This was probably the most impressive part of the day.

Then I went to my clarinet lesson and couldn't play a simple to scale to save my life. I kept thinking, "I just want to be done with this." I didn't hate myself for not being able to play well like usual. I knew that I'm pretty mediocre at the clarinet, and that's fine, because I'm going to be a good (hopefully better than good) teacher, and I'm making impressive strides with the students I'm working with now.

Reflecting on my previous blog, I think another reason why I'm not as stressed is that I've stopped caring so much about being great at things I know I'm not good at, and I'm concentrating on what I AM good at, and I'm doing well.

--Elie

Your Probably Thought I Was Dead

Right? You all totally thought I'd died of stress and from taking 22 credits. It would have been a good, logical guess, though. But you'd have been wrong! Delightfully, wonderfully wrong!

You see, the stress gods took pity on me. My stress level is a fraction of what it used to be, and it is miraculous. It's not like I don't feel any anxiety, but it's not nearly as bad as before. And it happened all by itself! Or did it...?

I think this is the first few months in my entire life (well, since like 3rd grade) that I haven't been banging my head against the wall because of my classes. Yes, I am taking 22 credits. Yes, it's a lot. Yes, it's too much and I maaaybe shouldn't have done it. But I have and I am happy.

Yep. Happy. Happy because I'm working with wonderful 5th graders. Happy because I met wonderful high school English language learners. Happy because I'm excelling in my classes. Happy because bio-anth isn't destroying me, and even when I have an issue, my professor is quite attractive and kind, so it's sort of a win-win. Happy because, for once, I'm defeating my mountain of homework rather than it defeating me. Happy because I am often surrounded by peers and teachers who believe in educational equity for all. Happy because I don't have to deal with the drama of student-run clubs. Happy because I have the best boyfriend and fellow squirrel-bagger ever.

But you know what I'm dreading? I'm dreading having to leave my 5th graders in a few weeks. They make me so frustrated and exhausted, and they make me so happy. I've made fabulous connections to some students, and it's hard for me to take in that I probably won't see them after my next few visits. I'm in the process of writing them all cards about how much they've achieved this year. I'm also dreading leaving my ELLs at the local high school. I've only spent about 10 hours there, but I adore them. I'm pretty sure most of them can't stand me, but I've learned so much for them, I'm having dreams in Spanish, and I'm beginning to see how brilliant they are. Last week, they threw a surprise party for the teacher, and I felt like I was in the middle of Erin Gruwell's classroom (you know, from the book/movie The Freedom Writers). There I was, witnessing Latino, Chinese, Ethiopian, and Punjabi students tell the teacher how much they love her and how she has inspired them.

Maybe I should stop being selfish and treasure all the amazing memories I have from this year. Was it only a year? It seems like far more than that. And to think I get to spend the rest of my life doing this!

These students sustain me.

--Elie

I'm Going to Try to Become a Vegetarian

...After I eat all the meat that I've already bought and is in my house, so it (and the animal's death for it) doesn't go to waste. And because it's still delicious.

I've come to the conclusion that since human's don't have to eat meat, since we can get our nutrients from other places, since we can make that choice, since the raising of animals for meat is a huge contributor to environmental problems, since animals raised for meat eat a shit ton of food, and a tiny fraction of that actually gets converted into what we eat, since the industrial meat industry is totally fucked up and abuses the shit out of animals in countless ways, and since it causes the (usually unnecessarily brutal) death of an animal that has complex thoughts and feelings... being a vegetarian just seems the logical thing to do. This is going to be hard for me, since I've been an avid meat-lover my entire life. It's an integral part of my diet. Pepperoni pizza, cheeseburgers, hot dogs, BACON, ham, steak, ribs, chicken in its various forms... I love them all. But other than my own selfish desires and their wide availability, there just isn't a logical reason to continue eating them.

What spurred this? Well, a little YouTube dude named Onision. He's kind of a jackass sometimes, but the big thing that made me think was when he said something along the lines of, "Yes, humans have been eating meat since the beginning of time... but we aren't eating meat because we're fighting for our lives. We have the choice. I hope you make the right one." He's right. We need to recognize that.

I know it's hypocritical of me to get preachy this early on, but... me becoming a vegetarian is kind of a miracle. If you think you're a huge meat-eater, think about the points I've made and consider it yourself. I may not last. I wish I could be vegan, but it's next-to-impossible as a poor college student. This alone is going to be hard for me, too. Wish me luck. Thanks.

--Jon

Composin' Me Some Music

So, as I probably mentioned at some point, I'm in the Music Composition program now, in lessons with Dear Friend Isaac and Guy I Don't Really Know But Seems Pretty Cool Brendan. I'm essentially bottom-of-the-barrel since this is my first quarter and I'm not a compositional genius, so I don't get my own hour-long lesson. Hopefully next year that will change since I'm such an amazing composer (and since Bruce Hamilton will be back).

These are the pieces I have written thus far:

A Twig for a Nest [for solo flute] (being performed by Ashlyn Stoddard at the Composers of Western concert on... May 27th? Ish?)

Spellbound [for flute and Bb clarinet] (super short, lame, and probably will never ever be performed)

Calamity Dance [for woodwind quartet [bassoon, Bb clarinet, oboe, flute]] (short, written as the performance piece this quarter (for a quartet to sight-read); is going to be expanded into a multi-movement work)

I feel like I should also include one that I composed before I got into the program...

River Tam Beats Up Everyone [for percussion quartet] (I hope to also expand this into a multi-movement work...)

~ * ~

So here's some ideas I have for the future.

River Tam Beats Up Everyone [for reference, see this film and read this comic]

I. Opening/Henchmen

II. Gunslingers

III. Cyborg Ninjas

IV. Evil Clone on Mountaintop

So those probably won't be the final titles (I just came up with those on the spot), but that's the general idea. I'm thinking what I have now will be the "Opening/Henchmen."

Three Dances for Woodwind Quartet

I. Calamity Dance

II. Slow Dance

III. Nu Dance

Essentially it'll be a basic Fast-Slow-Fast suite. "Calamity Dance" I have, obviously. "Slow Dance" I can salvage out of my first attempt at a woodwind quartet piece. The "Nu Dance" I'm thinking will use a driving quarter-note rhythm ala techno/disco/etc for most of it, and will probably morph into something else by the end (based on a discussion Isaac and I had today; people used to actually dance to classic music, like at parties and such, but modern classical pieces called "dances" aren't usually danced to by people unless it's going to be "modern dance"; ergo, I intend for the third movement to be able, at least, to be danced to by the layperson).

Post-Apocalyptic Jam for Percussion

Scenario: the world has essentially ended. Civilization is literally in rubble. A small village of people eventually assembles out of the rubble. They get to the point where they need entertainment, ala music. Here's where this piece comes in. What kind of music would be made after the end of the world? What kinds of instruments would be used? Obviously primarily percussion, mostly found-sounds kind of stuff (brake drum, spring, [this would be the perfect opportunity to use the broken autoharp we have in the percussion room], log drum, maybe a hand drum of some sort, other pieces of metal, etc...). I also want to use a radio tuned to a static channel, using volume swells and maybe some slight modulation of the frequency. It'd be fun and interesting.

House of Leaves

I. Zampanò/Johnny Truant

II. 5 1/2 Minute Hallway

III. "In my father's house are many rooms"

IV. The Spiral Staircase

V. Exploration #5

VI. "The child is gone."/Yggradasil

I'll just copy and paste the notes I made as I was coming up with this...

i. Introduction of *Zampano’s theme*, introduction of *Johnny’s theme*, interplay between the two

a. Slightly ominous, but not scary

b. Still mostly clear, but with some mystery (strange and sudden key change[s])

ii. Prominent use of echoes (statement; statementàecho; statementàechoàfurther obscured echo; etc)

a. Quiet and distant growl(s)

b. Lots of mystery and obscurity, but still grounded in reality

c. Introduction of *the house’s theme*

iii. More disorienting and scary, sudden tempo and dynamic changes

a. More growling (not full volume yet)

b. Hints of reality come through now and then (hints of Johnny’s theme)

c. Have each section be a “room,” but always black, ashen walls (ie, monotonous)

d. End with an organ transition into the next section (The Grand Hall)

iv. Really disorienting

a. Organ intro, get quiet, then quickly (though not suddenly) crescendo and SCREAM the growl

b. Utter chaos, ala Stravinsky (not Schoenberg), occasionally SCREAM

c. Loud but thickly veiled echoes of Zampano’s theme

d. House’s theme = central point, though

v. Quiet intro; entire movement is gradual increase in tempo and dynamics, representing going down the hill

a. The end suddenly gets to loud and screeching halt, with a quieter sustained note, and then a loud fanfare like chorale, and then quiet

b. Slightly veiled restatements of all themes

c. Resolution of house’s theme

vi. Resolution of Johnny’s theme; then resolution of Zampano’s theme

a. Quiet, slow, sad, contemplative movement

b. End on a final tonic major chord

If you haven't read House of Leaves, I still highly suggest it to anyone who won't be offended by frequent "sinning" and the like. It's incredible. I'm not sure yet of the instrumentation, yet, but I'm pretty sure I want organ (probably doubling on piano), some strings, some winds, two percussionists, at least two vocalists... yeah.

Some lonely composition titles I've come up with:

Definitely Beautiful

Suburban Waves

I Wanna Know You

Yep. One composer in the program got, from what I understood, a full-ride scholarship to a doctoral music program somewhere. Made me think that I could do the same. Do I want to do that? Maybe. That's the distant future. For now I'll focus on smaller goals.

--Jon

[UPDATE 5/18/10]: Okay, so after watching a Randall Monroe talk, I realized that one of the "River Tam" movements has to be about dinosaurs.

I Finished the Book in 9 Days

I finished House of Leaves. Jesus. The book was amazing. The ending was perfect. Wow.

Need I say any more?

My First Time Buying an ACTUAL Book In a Long Time... And I'm Thinking of Returning It

Right now, it is 4:18 AM. I haven't slept at all. Perhaps I should start with my trip to the bookstore.

I wanted to get the WWU Bookstore's quarterly coupon book. I rarely use many of the coupons, but I usually use a few. However, I needed to buy something. Rather than just get a pencil, I instead browsed the books. I considered getting Fight Club or 1984 or Stephen Colbert's I Am America, and So Can You! I started reading a book called (quite ironically, looking back now) The Boy Who Couldn't Sleep and Never Had To, but it failed to retain my interest. Then I remembered a book I had been considering reading for awhile now... Mark Z. Danielewski's House of Leaves.

I had heard about the book via an xkcd strip that parodied the book. I read the product descriptions and review on the Amazon page that followed and was very intrigued. I think I read the book in a chair in the bookstore for about half an hour, maybe more, before deciding to buy it. I bought some MSG-ified lunch, ate it, and continued reading for another hour. I went to class earlier. Read some more. Took notes in class. Walked to band. Read more. Played percussion in band. Read more. Came home. Read a LOT more. For those of you that don't know me... this isn't something I usually do.

Or maybe it is, and maybe this book is constructed specifically for people like me, who can't pay attention to one thing for too long? I was thinking about this today; I tend to get very caught up in stories (more on that later...), but if a story stays stagnant too long, I lose interest (I probably have undiagnosed ADD of some sort). It's the same reason [good] video games appeal to me I think; the gameplay gives my ADD a break from the storyline and vice versa; the way it's constructed allows my brain to follow it more easily. Maybe that's [part of] why I was so initially enraptured by the book.

I stopped reading at about 11 o'clock, I think. I won't get into the book's subject at all, but it didn't settle well with me. The supernatural and the unknown tend not to. There was definitely something not natural about the book's subject and contents, even though I suspect that even the book's characters are fabricating the events that they're relating to me, the reader. After avoiding sleepiness for a long time, I finally caved in and decided it was time to hit the sack.

Kind of.

Only I kept stalling. As a rare occurrence, I had my desk light on. It made me feel a little more comfortable. I didn't want to turn it off. I haven't turned any lights off yet since the sun's gone down. I was afraid to turn the light off. I AM afraid to turn the light off. I keep thinking of a few key passages in the book about how the characters' perceptions of darkness started changing, and how something was in it, something never seen, but always lurking, always just beyond their field of vision (I just heard a sound outside [wind against a flagpole] and just about pissed myself). It's not that I think that something actually exists, but... I'm afraid that when I turn the lights off and get lost within my thoughts, I will think that.

I actually did manage to get into bed (though I kept my [very bright] desk lamp on). I tried listening to music. But I had a hard time even closing my eyes. The wind outside hasn't been helping. I'm very anxious. And this is why I'm considering returning the book. But how embarrassing would that be? Returning a recreational book? Because it scared me?!

Horror stories have fascinated me for years, somehow. And yet every time I come to them, they incapacitate me with unnatural and irrational fear. I think it revolves around how I just get sucked into stories; I find myself really relating to characters in stories as if they were nearly-real (never actually real; never real enough to be seen with my eyes, standing in front of me). I find myself anxious to see or hear what happens next in a story, almost as anxious as I am to see or hear what happens next in my life. I spend a lot of time daydreaming in my head, just "spacing out." This, too, likely has a connection to the experiences I have with stories of all kinds. It's not like I think the stories are real... but often in my daydreaming I will quickly alternate between thoughts of actual events, hypothetical events, and fictional events; that is to say, things that have happened already or are happening, things that might happen in the future or that I wish would happen or wouldn't happen etc, and the made-up stories I read, hear, and see. Sometimes they interplay with each other more than they should I think. Again, I'm not a schizophrenic; I never believe that untrue events become true. Sometimes I just get lost in my thoughts.

And this is probably why scary stories so truly scare me, especially at night, when I have nothing but my own thoughts and darkness (or even with the lights on, my small room and the endless darkness outside). When my daydreams are all I have, they get that much closer to reality, becoming the dreams and nightmares that I have when I sleep, which, often when I am having them, are very real to my perceptions.

Does this mean that something is wrong with me? Wrong is probably the wrong word. Not usual might be more appropriate. Thought it could become wrong if more nights come without sleep. It's not like this is a developing case; this is how I've been for some time. I remember how deeply terrified I was after watching The Ring for the first time, or when I played Silent Hill, or when I was a child, watched Child's Play, Halloween... I'm sure there were others. They scared me, but I was somehow intrigued by them. Now, these movies and games seem mostly silly, especially when real life constitutes my day.

If I avoid the stories that stir such fear in me, as I have been for the past couple of years, does that make me a coward? Maybe I have too much downtime, too much time to sit and think. But surely, people read, people watch movies. People read scary books and watch scary movies. It's not as simple as just staying busy and ignoring the things that scare me. Perhaps just this once, I'll confront my fears and read this book in its entirety. Perhaps afterwards, I'll give the book to someone else, purge it from my life, and henceforth go on with my life without wandering into the distractions of these fear-inducing tales.

We'll see how I hold up. I don't think I'd mind being a coward.

--Jon

p.s., I am confident that when they day begins, I will feel fine again (aside from the sleep deprivation, of course). If I leave the book, things will get back into the same regular flow they were in. Maybe my life needs some interruption? Maybe not. In my current very-very-tired state, everything get jumbled, especially when I'm alone. The daylight will shine more than a little light on everything.

Final Fantasy XIII: Awesome, but... (a game review)

Boy oh boy, was I excited for this game. This summer I played through Final Fantasy X, and it was an amazing experience. I attempted to play through XII, and was extremely disappointed. But after years of footage and images and news stories piling up and showing that this game might be a new favorite, I started getting more than a little STOKED. Overall, I'd definitely have to say that excitement paid off, but not without a few cringes and eye-rolls.

I'll start off with the things that I loved about this game. First of all and easiest to agree on and talk about, the graphics. Wow. The transition between CG and in-game graphics is getting close to being seamless, and the world presented is totally gorgeous. Look here for an example (just skip to about 4 minutes in; that would be the opening of the game, which throws you right into the action).

The gameplay is rather awesome; arguably one of the best battle systems that the series has seen, aside from Final Fantasy X. I'm quite glad they did away with the boring MMORPG-like shittiness of XII and decided to bake up a fresh take on the ATB system that's both exciting and strategic. The crystarium system, the new vehicle of character growth, is also great; it's a bit similar to the sphere grid of Final Fantasy X, but a little easier to work with. Many people have expressed strong dislike of the linearity of the game, but I didn't mind so much; I'd say it's largely a reflection of the nature of the storyline (being fugitives constantly on the run doesn't give you much time to wander around cities where everyone wants you dead). I think people have just been spoiled by Western RPGs like Fallout, Elder Scrolls, and Dragon Age, which I would argue lack any kind of focus. Personally, I enjoyed the streamlined gameplay; it makes the storyline, IMO the most important part of the game, more up-front, and makes it all make sense.

Now, what I really want to talk about: the plot [SPOILER ALERT]. The plot started out being among my favorites in the series. The game's primary setting is Cocoon, an enormous Death Star-like world (but even BIGGER) that floats above Pulse, a more naturey world seen by Cocoon citizens as Hellish; anyone that comes into contact with anything from Pulse is seen as a virus and immediate threat to society that needs to be wiped out on the spot. Both worlds are run by gods known as fal'Cie that tend to the humans like pets. Long ago, Pulse and Cocoon warred, with no particular winner.

After the game's opening, six characters are thrown together via some sort of chance happenings and bound to the same fates; they have been marked by Pulse fal'Cie and made into tools of their home's destruction (l'Cie). Now all of them are on the run, trying to figure out how to get loved ones back, avoid their pursuers, stay alive, and figure out how to get rid of their marks, lest time runs out and their turn into monstrous, mindless, zombie-like beings (Cie'th). In their journey across their home of Cocoon, we are shown flashbacks of the thirteen days before the game's opening, which shed light on present events. Namely, two of the six characters are revealed to be from the lower-world of Pulse, having awoken from a several-hundred-year-crystal-sleep and caused the characters to be in the bind they're now all in. It's a very emotional journey, with some pretty prominent and tough themes (destiny, loyalty, government/religion-led fear-mongering, forgiveness). The pacing of it is just right, and kept me on the edge of my seat, even if we were just wandering through a junk-heap or a manufactured forest/bioweapon-production lab.

However, about halfway through the game, everything is shattered by a crazy plot-twist: the characters were being guided and kept alive by a rogue Cocoon fal'Cie that wants to destroy its world as a sacrifice to bring back its super-God Maker, which created the world and left it in disarray. This is all revealed right after he kills the only primary villain up to that point. At this point, despite some of the most epic boss battle music ever, the game really loses some of its focus. The characters end up on Pulse (which is a bit less hellish than the government would have liked its citizens to know) and wander around aimlessly for awhile (ironically, this is when most people seem to think the game gets better). Eventually they end up at two of the characters' former homes, now overrun by monsters, Cie'th, and a mysterious, light crystal snow (which, unfortunately never is explained). This part is probably the best since that goofy plot twist. After another encounter with the aforementioned rogue fal'Cie, Barthandalus, the characters go back up to Cocoon to stop its destruction.

The invasion scene that accompanies this is completely ridiculous and anime-like, having probably been done by the same people that made the similarly ridiculous Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children. Anyways, the characters make it through the city, all epic-like, and the game picks up and starts being good again. Then, suddenly, it seems like the writers of the game got to crunch time and started running out of ideas, so they killed off a really awesome character without even a shred of emotion, and then threw everyone into a tedious labyrinth to the final boss. Amidst that fight, things get REALLY ridiculous and confusing... and then they get even MORE ridiculous and confusing... until the ending movie of the game, which made me throw my palm to into my face. Suddenly, boom, EVERYTHING IS HAPPY. Even though the characters kind of fucked up by almost fulfilling their literally-god-given-duty of destroying their home-world... they and their world is saved by what they call a "miracle," and what I call "bad writing," and/or "bad planning." That super-God "Maker" guy I talked about? Never even shows up. They could have really done something with that if he had, and accentuated some of the themes of the game. They could have done a lot of stuff that would have made the game more awesome than it was. Instead, it's just kind of awesome. Fortunately, they're thinking of doing a direct sequel to this game, which hopefully will be better than Final Fantasy X-2, and could tie up some very, very loose ends.

Another complaint I have about this plot is the lack of depth at some points. How did Lightning and Serah's parents die? How did that affect them? How did Snow meet Serah? How did Sazh's wife die? How did that affect them? What happened to Vanille and Fang's hometown? Does the Maker actually exist, or is it just some myth that the fal'Cie made up? Or is that question meant to go unanswered? Whatever happened to Hope's father? Where WERE Serah and Dajh when they were in crystal suspension? What happened to the rest of NORA (I did like that they at least appeared in the final chapters of the game, but...)? It's these sorts of unanswered questions that frustrated me the most. [SPOILER ALERT OVER]

Despite all the negative stuff about the plot, I still loved most of it. My eyes almost got watery at a couple of points, and I found my heart beating fast and my hands clenched at the controller at some of the more poignant points in the story. The game was incredibly fun to play. The soundtrack was AMAZING. I wouldn't have wanted anyone other than Masashi Hamauzu to take over the series' music (except maybe Yasunori Mitsuda); I really admired his work on Final Fantasy X. He does even better on this soundtrack. His adaptations of the chocobo theme are ingenious, and unlike the music to XII (man, it really seems like I'm hating on that game... probably rightfully so), he manages to make epic, blood-pumping music that is really enjoyable to listen to. He also did a phenomenal job with his usage of leitmotifs throughout the game.

I think I've talked enough about the game. It was good! Go play it!

FINAL SCORE: +3.7 (on a scale of -5 to +5)

--Jon

Custodians

There's this one custodian who cleans a certain building at Western who is always there mopping the floor when I go to my meetings. The custodian, a small, old man, stops his cleaning to let me walk past. He's usually unsmiling and rather unhappy looking (I'm not too sure what reason he'd have to smile, as cleaning the floor is really not that fun), but lately I've smiled at him and said "hello" or "excuse me" or something, and he always cheers up and says something kind in response.

The other day, I was in the performing arts building, and there were two custodians hauling a large cart of clearing supplies down the hall. I needed to go down the same hall they were about to go down, and one of the custodians respectfully opened the door for me and let me go first, and I thanked him. I came to another door in the hallway (come to think of it, those doors are completely pointless), and I performed the polite and normal act of holding the door so they could push the large cart through. Rather than just saying "thanks," one of them said, "Thank you! Not many students would do that for us." I talked with them a little bit about doors, and although it wasn't the most interesting conversation, I realized that few people realize what custodians do for us. If we encountered a professor in the hall, even if we didn't know that professor, we'd at least simile and acknowledge their existence. I feel as though we almost always ignore custodians and pretend they aren't there.

I bet custodians realize that they're under-appreciated, and we, as students, can make a huge difference in their lives by at least smiling at them and telling them "good morning." But I'm not saying that we should feel sorry for or suck up to them; I'm simply stating what I have observed and concluded. I encourage everyone to befriend a custodian, because they are some of the nicest people I've ever met.

--Elie