Those Evil "Illegals"***

I don't know if you were all aware, but those Mexicans are all out to get us. Yep, it's true. They're invading from their foreign country specifically to take away our way of life from us those of us who work so hard to keep it. Those liberal hodge-podgers may tell you that they're just looking for an escape from the ridiculous hardships of their own country to find a better way of life, and anyone in their right mind would do the same, because what other reasons would they risk death from dehydration by crossing hundreds of miles across the Arizona desert for days... BUT THEY LIE.

No, those gorsh-durned "illegals" are out to get us. They want to be forced into jobs where they're underpaid (but still paid more than they would ever be in Mexico) under the table by the completely righteous and proud and Jesus-blessed American industrial farms, and then take advantage of the gaping holes in our welfare system, so that they can take away food stamps from the people that really deserve it, like my pregnant teenage daughter that I and my underfunded overly Conservative school district failed to teach proper sex education to!

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not racist, no sir. I have one friend whose great great grandmother was a Mexican! That right there proves I'm not racist. In addition, I thoroughly respect any Mexican who was born fortunate enough to come from a family that was able to get him the training to be considered "highly qualified" by our standards, then is able to jump through the endless hoops to be able to even be in the USA legally, let alone live here [see here for a detailed flowchart]. Yep, those people and no others deserve to be here. Undocumented workers from Canada and Europe are okay, though, because they're wh--er, uh... WELL THEY JUST ARE. THOSE MEXICANS ARE STEALING FROM US I TELL YOU. YEAH.

--Jon's Ignorant Evil Twin***

***The character portrayed by this post is fictional. Undocumented workers are human. They deserve our sympathy. If you were in their shoes, and you had the opportunity to risk your life for the possibility of a better one, would you not do it simply because it's against the principles of "AMURRICUH!!!11!"? Remember, these are the people that make those cheap TV dinners at Wal-Mart possible. They essentially run the farms and factories where your food comes from. Open your eyes.