Stress Sickness

I may literally be making myself sick with stress. Every time I start thinking about all the stuff I have to do and have to think about, my stomach gets all crazy-bad-feeling. This is the Least Fun Thing. On top of it, I'm doing that teenage-meta-angst thing where I feel even worse about acknowledging that I feel bad. GO AWAY, FIFTEEN-YEAR-OLD SELF.

I'll avoid making a list of all of the things I've done wrong or forgotten in the past 24 hours, but let's say it's a bit daunting, and this is probably the worst I've felt about something that is entirely my fault in years. I post this on a somewhat public (although probably pretty unread) blog because somehow, at some level, it feels good to admit this. SHIT FUCKING SUCKS RIGHT NOW. AND THAT IS OKAY. It WILL get better. I will make it get better. I will drag myself by my teeth through this mess and come out on the other side. It won't be perfect. Fuck, it might not even be good. But at least it will be over.

Fortunately, this isn't the way I do everything in life. I'm usually okay. I'm just in a bad spot for awhile. And mentally, emotionally, physically, I can't give 100% to everything that I need to do. I don't know why. Some people can. Do I have ADD or some other crazy shit? Probably. But I'm not going to get treatment for it anytime soon, so I have to do the best with what I have. And for some people, that won't be good enough. Sorry.

I've gone too long beating myself up and being beat up (figuratively, not literally) for not being good enough, and I'm not going to take it anymore. So yeah, I'm wasting time right now. But doing shit like this helps my mind make sense of it all. Although at some point I do need to stop babbling. Let's make that point now.

--Jon

Sometimes Awesome Things Happen

Tonight was one of those nights when awesome things happened.

At Amy's Place, wonderful church youth groups and other fabulous church-going people make and serve meals to Amy's Place on a regular basis. For many months, I thought, "Why can't a Jewish organization do the same? That would be so cool!" By chance, the campus Chabad organization wanted to get involved. Tonight, they made and served a great dinner to the homeless and street-involved youth at Amy's Place.

This night was awesome for several reasons.

1. There has never been a Jewish organization at Amy's Place. The kids know that they're supported by various churches, but showing them that they have the respect of [part of] the Jewish community hopefully meant a lot to them.

2. The kids at Amy's Place were interested. The rabbi, his wife, and the Chabad volunteers talked with the youth (which is more than most volunteers do) about Judaism. This was a huge step, because I don't think many of them understand what it means to be Jewish. Occasionally, I hear anti-Semitic comments from some of the youth, but seeing and talking with real, live Jews really opened their eyes. I hope.

3. Even the most unruly youth were intrigued and polite. I was unsure about how they would react with a bunch of orthodox Jews speaking in Hebrew and serving Jewish food, but there was more respect than I have seen in a long time.

Seeing the youth at Amy's Place and the Chabad members interacting was an amazing spectacle. In a way, it was just people hanging out, playing pool, and chatting. But on the other hand, these are two very different groups of people, groups that rarely interact. Tonight, we all took a step in repairing the world, tikkun olam.

--Elie

A Dream Come True?

OH MY GAWD I AM WRITING A BLOG.

I realized the other day that I may be fulfilling one of my greatest dreams. It's also the most selfish dream I have.

See, in high school band, I wasn't exactly treated fairly. I was told that I had "potential" but rarely got to work on that potential because I wasn't a favorite student of a certain band director (not mentioning names here). I would often leave band upset and frustrated, knowing that I wasn't being treated well. I didn't want all the solos I wasn't getting, but I wanted to prove I could play them. And I COULD play them. But over and over the solos were taken from me and my wonderful stand partner and given to a less-than-deserving clarinetist.

Now, I have a chance to show my band director how far I have come and how successful at the clarinet I really am. What a slap in the face it will be for him when he hears me playing a beautiful clarinet solo in Western's best band. Sure, the solo belonged to the other clarinetist sharing my part, but she is no longer in band. By default, the solo is in my hands (unless she randomly shows up again).

Call me vengeful, but I truly want to show my band director how incorrect he was about me. I want him to feel terrible about not giving me the chance to grow and show my true potential. I want him to regret treating me and so many other talented students so unfairly. The only way this will happen is if/when he sees me playing at the WMEA conference concert thing in February. Yep, WMEA conference concert thing. :|

--Elie

THE DISMEMBERMENT PLAN IS COMING TO SEATTLE

You won't see me get this excited about any band coming to Seattle very often. But let me tell you a little story.

Way back when, in my early high school days, I frequented a message board called "All Things Not Weezer." This message board had originally been one of many on Weezer's own website, before their fifth album Make Believe was released (the album that truly displayed their hatred of their fans and of good music). After the album was released, the message boards were reformatted on the website to a nigh-unusable state, and so the boards migrated to a Weezer fanpage. Eventually this board shut down, and the boards migrated to what I believe is their current location on some hidden ProBoard, lurking in the depths of a forgotten time...

Regardless, though, this message board was a happenin' place. It was full of often ruthless Weezer fans who no longer listened to Weezer, had grown up, some had kids and gotten married, most gone on to college and careers and the like. I, among others, was late to the game and was still in high school. Interesting topics were discussed. Music was, of course, among them.

At one point, I decided that I was tired of the bands that I knew of and was aware of, tired of the same old bands I was fed by Fuse (maybe even back when it was Much Music USA), MTV, and the radio. I decided to see what these old, cynical Weezer fans had to offer me with all their elitism and such. I don't remember what my specific questions were, but essentially I asked for new music, for entrance into the fold of the world that we often refer to as... INDIE.

Although they probably gave me more suggestions (some that I looked into and didn't like), two of their suggestions have stuck with me to this day: The Shins and The Dismemberment Plan. The former wasn't anything too terribly groundbreaking; it was more or less folk-rock-pop without the need to appeal to tweens and corporate execs. Still fantastic, though. The Dismemberment Plan, though... something struck a nerve with me. It was exciting, unheard-of, confusing, mind-boggling, and above all, AWESOME. Every band member was insanely talented, but they weren't just a bunch of show-offs. They had fun with their music. They usually had their tongues firmly planted in their cheeks, and when they didn't, they just vomited beauty in a way that I'd never heard before. I had to have more of them, and I had to see them live!

Unfortunately, they no longer existed. They had broken up just a couple of years before I discovered them, after touring the US. Band members went on to less successful acts (and less exciting acts), and then eventually fell into peaceful domestic lives as college professors, math teachers, Boeing employees... something along those lines.

A couple of years ago they reunited for a benefit concert for a friend. I was hoping they'd love it so much that they'd get back together for a longer period of time... but it was not to be. It was a one-off thing that their native fans of Washington, DC enjoyed immensely, and the rest of the world could not see.

Then, recently, they reissued their seminal 1999 album Emergency & I, and behind it decided to go on tour! ...Only around the east coast. Again, I was disappointed to find out I would probably never see one of my favorite bands live.

This morning I checked Facebook. I scrolled down the long list of posts that had happened since I checked it last night. I came across one by the Dismemberment Plan. On March 12th, 2011, they will be playing one show on the west coast before they return to their long slumber. This one show will be in Seattle, at the Showbox Sodo.

I literally started jumping up and down in my seat when I read this. FINALLY, after all these years, I would experience the dancing, the jumping, the grooving, the freak-outs, the insane fun that is said to occur at The Dismemberment's Plan's live shows. I would see them IN THE FLESH playing some of my favorite songs of the past 6 years. Happy birthday to me!!!

If I can get my hands on tickets before they sell out, that is...

--Jon

p.s. from several days later... I GOT MY HANDS ON TICKETS.

Songs to Cover

"Flying Dreams" from The Secret of NIMH
"Empty" by Metric
"Impossible Soul" by Sufjan Stevens [yeah... quite the project...] [maybe something else from Age of Adz]

"Daily Routine" by Animal Collective
everything from Pinkerton by Weezer

something by Broken Social Scene

something by Menomena

something by Grizzly Bear

more stuff probably

--Jon

P.S., Elie, I've written the past ten posts! I think it's your turn.

Songs of Which I Will Never, Ever Play Covers

"Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen (usually played as it was by Jeff Buckley)
"Such Great Heights" by The Postal Service (usually played as it was by Iron and Wine)

any other song played 439857349085734098573948 times by some guy with an acoustic guitar at an open mic.

--Jon

Forgetful Me

Perhaps as a direct result of what was discussed in my previous post, I have become more forgetful than ever. It seems the more things I take on at once, the more my brain is filled with things to think about, the more I forget stuff. I've gotten so forgetful I can't even remember all the things I've forgotten at various points thus far this quarter. They include but are not limited to: important papers for clubs, important details in club emails, baton, sheet music, studying for a test, assignments, wallet, cookies, lunch, doing laundry, showering, the fact that I need to wake up and not fall back asleep, backpack, why I'm holding Elie's water-bottle, watch, phone, dishes, eating dinner, that giving blood means lifting is harder, ensemble rehearsal, telling someone about ensemble rehearsal... I'll just stop there. I have too much shit to keep track of. For some people it may not be too much. For me it is.

And so I'd like to say, to all of you who have been affected by my inability to handle the workload I've taken on... I am sorry. It may continue for the rest of this quarter, maybe even the rest of this year, but next year I will handle myself better, because I will not do as many things. And my brain will not explode.

--Jon

P.S., on a totally unrelated note, I love Western. Just saying.

Finally In Over My Head

Well, well, well. It has been a while (but it's been even longer for Elie).

So it's my third year of college. My second year in the music program. It is kicking my ass. But it's not just the classes; I made the very unintelligent decision of committing to all of the following things, none of which I want to give up, very few of which I CAN give up any time soon:

-17 credits of classes (all music) (=8 classes total)
-Also playing on one piece in WWU Symphony Orchestra (not for credit)
-Secretary of WWU chaper of SWEA
-Vice-President of WWU chapter of CMENC
-Active member of SEE
-Volunteer DJ at KUGS 89.3 FM
-Percussionist in Whatcom Wind Ensemble
-Drummer in Viking Band/Drumline
-Hopefully playing in percussion ensemble
-Volunteer at Amy's Place for Youth
-Half of VR Trainers
-Soon to be employed by CFPA as stage tech
-Having a girlfriend that I want to see and hang out with sometimes
-Keeping my sanity

That last one is looking to be the one that will most likely be dropped in the coming months. In all seriousness, next quarter I will have to drop something. It will probably be Whatcom Wind Ensemble and KUGS. Possibly also SEE. Having a girlfriend isn't going to be dropped in the foreseeable future.

Anyways, I'm losing my mind. I can't concentrate, I'm sleeping less, I'm forgetting shit everywhere I go, I'm not putting as much time into a lot of things as I should... which is why I'm ending this blog now, doing laundry, cleaning my room, going to campus to practice, coming back and assembling a newsletter, renewing my subscriptions to MENC and SWEA, practicing conducting, eating something... I need to do that now.

--Jon

PERSONAL: An Album by VR Trainers

This is the latest from John von Volkli and I. Please enjoy carefully.

--Jon

5-10-15-20... Ripping off a Feature by Pitchfork

So here's music I liked at five year intervals (ala Pitchfork's feature where they interview people and ask them this) in my life because I can't sleep anymore but I don't want to "get up" yet.

AGE 5
Green Day -- Insomniac
I grew up on music my dad listened to, more or less. My mom listened to a lot of bad modern country in addition to what my dad's Beatles and Rolling Stones and Steve Miller and Allman Brothers and Fleetwood Mac. Lots of 70s rock. So when my brother brought home a cassette of this band called Green Day and started playing it on his shitty little tape player speakers, I was a bit excited. I'd never heard anything quite like it. When I tried singing along, my siblings encouraged me not to, because there were bad words! People in the songs weren't happy! My parents didn't like it! On top of it all, it was catchy. It was exciting. This was my introduction to modern alternative rock.

AGE 10
Weezer -- Weezer [The Blue Album]
"In the Garage" was the song that defined me pre-teen puberty years. I was nerdy, anti-social, "misunderstood," etc. This entire album felt like it could have been sung by me (at least that's what I felt like when I listened to it back then). Somehow it gave me strength to be like "YEAH, fuck everyone, I can be myself! ...By sitting alone in my bedroom and listening to Weezer and playing video games." Again, I discovered this album through my brother. While he was also getting into Sublime and various hip-hop and bad rap-metal... Weezer was the one band that sung to me. Even though Weezer was geeky and totally uncool... they were, paradoxically, the coolest band ever to me. In reality, I wasn't all that disillusioned or sad. I was just a little bit weird for a ten-year-old. Still, nothing made that weirdness feel as okay as Weezer. Several years later, their later albums would find their way into my hands, followed by their 1996 masterpiece sophomore effort, Pinkerton, which would firmly entrench their place in my musical heart.

AGE 15

Radiohead -- OK Computer

Winter/Spring 2005 was a rough time in adolescence. MySpace was the name of the game. Sad sad sad depressed depressed depressed, hoping someone would come save me from my own misery. Luckily, instead of dressing like a dark anime character and listening to bad, depressed pop-punk-emo, I got into Radiohead, which has since become my favorite band. Before this, all I had heard from them was a few songs from 2003's Hail to the Thief and all of 1995's The Bends. OK Computer (1997) turned out to be perfectly ironic for the me that wanted nothing more than to hide behind a computer screen and feel my social skills further devolve while listening to Thom Yorke wail about paranoia and the devolution of Western civilization in the face of technological evolution. And that was 8 years before I heard it all. At 15 years old I couldn't quite comprehend the scale of what Radiohead was getting at, but the music pretty much blew my mind. I didn't know guitars could make those noises! I didn't know those chord progressions were ALLOWED. I didn't know songs could be so crazy yet so amazing. Radiohead was my gateway drug to even crazier music... but they're still my favorite today.

AGE 20

Igor Stravinsky -- The Rite of Spring

I don't know if I will ever love a classical piece of music as much as this. If you've called my phone in the past year, you'd know that one of its memorable sections is my ringback tone (well, was... I didn't feel like paying $2 to renew it, and a lot of people hated it anyways). The Rite of Spring caused RIOTS when it was premiered. Many (such as myself) remember being terrified by it and the accompanying earth-birth/dinosaur scene from Disney's Fantasia. The piece was first accompanied by a ballet, the original choreography of which has been lost, but modern choreographers still manage to make incredibly horrifying and primal dances to go along with it today. Nothing has ever been able to achieve quite what Igor Stravinsky's ridiculous piece has. After going years having forgotten it, my Art of Listening to Music class reminded me of its fantastic horrors. I haven't looked back since. I can only dream of writing music so seemingly paradoxically visceral and intellectually challenging.

--Jon