I've heard a number of people say "God's last name isn't 'Dammit'!" after someone says an obligatory "goddammit." Okay, so maybe YOUR god's last name isn't 'Dammit.' But what most people don't know is, many citizens of the world worship a different and less well-known deity that goes by the name of God Dammit. He's a cool dude usually; he likes to induce painful laughter and joy by putting stupid words in someone else's, but he can be pretty apathetic to tragedies in the world, and likes to inflict all kinds of pain (hence people yelling "GOD DAMMIT"). I think he smokes pot or something. I talk to him every day. I also see him all the time. You can't see him because he doesn't think you're cool enough. He has a pretty big family, all of which are near-omnipotent. Mother Fucker, Sonuva Bitch, Jesus Christ (different one than you know; this guy's actually a pretty big bastard), and Shitonmy Balls just to name a few.
So next time someone says "God Dammit," maybe you should be less judgmental and stop disrespecting and blasphemizing my religion!
--Jon
No comments:
Post a Comment