I Think Life is Trying to Tell me Something

The blog I wrote a few weeks ago, right as school was about to start, was all about how I was stressed. Let's see. I was stressed about being too busy, stressed about getting to see my 5th graders, stressed about getting good band music and not being demoted, stressed about my sink breaking, etc.

I wasn't too busy. In fact, I'm not nearly as panicked as I was last quarter. The irony is that I'm taking 20 credits now whereas, last quarter, I only took 13 credits without being in Whatcom Wind Ensemble.

I got to see my 5th graders. For about 3 days I was nearly in tears all day because I thought I wouldn't get to go back to see them and I was incredibly frustrated because of that. But it all worked out.

I got fabulous pieces in band. In fact, I got solo clarinet on the best piece we're playing. So not only was I not demoted, but I was promoted to basically being the number one clarinetist for at least that one song. My ego grew like 15 times what it was before...

And then I started to stress about whether I could actually play my solos, either because I suck at reading music or because I would get nervous and mess up - or both. But, the one time I got the opportunity to play the solos, I did it well, and now I'm more excited than nervous. Again, worried for nothing. And I'm practically the solo clarinetist on half the music we're playing in Whatcom Wind Ensemble simply because I'm on the of the only clarinetists period, and it's not freaking me out!

Before all this stuff happened, my sink leaked a whole bunch on my birthday. I thought I would have to move to another apartment, would be fined for water damage, have horrible mold everywhere, have the landlord mad at me, and have my roommate mad at me. But everything was fixed and nothing was pinned on me.

For everything that I've been really stressed about, I've realized that I stressed for nothing. This happens over and over. I think that fate is creating these stressful situation to prove to me that there is nothing to worry about. But does this help my stress level? No. I keep thinking that luck has been on my side all these times that it's going to work against me soon. But that's illogical. I even considered going to the WWU counseling center for free counseling for this lovely stress and anxiety of mine, but I just want to be able to pop a few pills (this coming from someone who hates taking drugs of all kinds, be it vitamins or advil) to make me calm. But then that would cost money and would probably be the less-healthy route. Something needs to change, though, and I don't know how to make it happen. *sigh*

-Elie