Take the Good and Bad and Make the Best of It

Title courtesy of The Republic Tigers.

I had a really good morning! Then I had sort of a lousy afternoon. But it's okay! It's funny how life plays out. But lemme start from the beginning.

I volunteered for 2 hours at the high school today, and I worked with one girl who usually doesn't want help from anybody. We worked pretty well together, and she wasn't rejecting my being there at all. Next I worked with a boy who really doesn't like reading, and his assignment was to read to me. Long story short, we got to talking about my bio-anth class, and he said that evolution isn't real. Then he asked if I was Christian. I told him I was Jewish, and he was really surprised! He started asking me questions about my family and if both my parents were Jewish. At one point he asked why I was Jewish in the first place. It was a little awkward because I could hardly understand him, and it was a bit concerning because I wasn't sure if he started to hate me because I'm taking a class about evolution and I'm Jewish. But we talked. We actually had a conversation, and that was impressive. He might hate me now, but, heck, it was worth it. While he was reading to me, the girl I worked with first came over and asked for help. She actually ASKED for help. This is the girl who doesn't ask for help. And if she does, she'll ask the teacher. This was probably the most impressive part of the day.

Then I went to my clarinet lesson and couldn't play a simple to scale to save my life. I kept thinking, "I just want to be done with this." I didn't hate myself for not being able to play well like usual. I knew that I'm pretty mediocre at the clarinet, and that's fine, because I'm going to be a good (hopefully better than good) teacher, and I'm making impressive strides with the students I'm working with now.

Reflecting on my previous blog, I think another reason why I'm not as stressed is that I've stopped caring so much about being great at things I know I'm not good at, and I'm concentrating on what I AM good at, and I'm doing well.

--Elie

Your Probably Thought I Was Dead

Right? You all totally thought I'd died of stress and from taking 22 credits. It would have been a good, logical guess, though. But you'd have been wrong! Delightfully, wonderfully wrong!

You see, the stress gods took pity on me. My stress level is a fraction of what it used to be, and it is miraculous. It's not like I don't feel any anxiety, but it's not nearly as bad as before. And it happened all by itself! Or did it...?

I think this is the first few months in my entire life (well, since like 3rd grade) that I haven't been banging my head against the wall because of my classes. Yes, I am taking 22 credits. Yes, it's a lot. Yes, it's too much and I maaaybe shouldn't have done it. But I have and I am happy.

Yep. Happy. Happy because I'm working with wonderful 5th graders. Happy because I met wonderful high school English language learners. Happy because I'm excelling in my classes. Happy because bio-anth isn't destroying me, and even when I have an issue, my professor is quite attractive and kind, so it's sort of a win-win. Happy because, for once, I'm defeating my mountain of homework rather than it defeating me. Happy because I am often surrounded by peers and teachers who believe in educational equity for all. Happy because I don't have to deal with the drama of student-run clubs. Happy because I have the best boyfriend and fellow squirrel-bagger ever.

But you know what I'm dreading? I'm dreading having to leave my 5th graders in a few weeks. They make me so frustrated and exhausted, and they make me so happy. I've made fabulous connections to some students, and it's hard for me to take in that I probably won't see them after my next few visits. I'm in the process of writing them all cards about how much they've achieved this year. I'm also dreading leaving my ELLs at the local high school. I've only spent about 10 hours there, but I adore them. I'm pretty sure most of them can't stand me, but I've learned so much for them, I'm having dreams in Spanish, and I'm beginning to see how brilliant they are. Last week, they threw a surprise party for the teacher, and I felt like I was in the middle of Erin Gruwell's classroom (you know, from the book/movie The Freedom Writers). There I was, witnessing Latino, Chinese, Ethiopian, and Punjabi students tell the teacher how much they love her and how she has inspired them.

Maybe I should stop being selfish and treasure all the amazing memories I have from this year. Was it only a year? It seems like far more than that. And to think I get to spend the rest of my life doing this!

These students sustain me.

--Elie

I'm Going to Try to Become a Vegetarian

...After I eat all the meat that I've already bought and is in my house, so it (and the animal's death for it) doesn't go to waste. And because it's still delicious.

I've come to the conclusion that since human's don't have to eat meat, since we can get our nutrients from other places, since we can make that choice, since the raising of animals for meat is a huge contributor to environmental problems, since animals raised for meat eat a shit ton of food, and a tiny fraction of that actually gets converted into what we eat, since the industrial meat industry is totally fucked up and abuses the shit out of animals in countless ways, and since it causes the (usually unnecessarily brutal) death of an animal that has complex thoughts and feelings... being a vegetarian just seems the logical thing to do. This is going to be hard for me, since I've been an avid meat-lover my entire life. It's an integral part of my diet. Pepperoni pizza, cheeseburgers, hot dogs, BACON, ham, steak, ribs, chicken in its various forms... I love them all. But other than my own selfish desires and their wide availability, there just isn't a logical reason to continue eating them.

What spurred this? Well, a little YouTube dude named Onision. He's kind of a jackass sometimes, but the big thing that made me think was when he said something along the lines of, "Yes, humans have been eating meat since the beginning of time... but we aren't eating meat because we're fighting for our lives. We have the choice. I hope you make the right one." He's right. We need to recognize that.

I know it's hypocritical of me to get preachy this early on, but... me becoming a vegetarian is kind of a miracle. If you think you're a huge meat-eater, think about the points I've made and consider it yourself. I may not last. I wish I could be vegan, but it's next-to-impossible as a poor college student. This alone is going to be hard for me, too. Wish me luck. Thanks.

--Jon

Composin' Me Some Music

So, as I probably mentioned at some point, I'm in the Music Composition program now, in lessons with Dear Friend Isaac and Guy I Don't Really Know But Seems Pretty Cool Brendan. I'm essentially bottom-of-the-barrel since this is my first quarter and I'm not a compositional genius, so I don't get my own hour-long lesson. Hopefully next year that will change since I'm such an amazing composer (and since Bruce Hamilton will be back).

These are the pieces I have written thus far:

A Twig for a Nest [for solo flute] (being performed by Ashlyn Stoddard at the Composers of Western concert on... May 27th? Ish?)

Spellbound [for flute and Bb clarinet] (super short, lame, and probably will never ever be performed)

Calamity Dance [for woodwind quartet [bassoon, Bb clarinet, oboe, flute]] (short, written as the performance piece this quarter (for a quartet to sight-read); is going to be expanded into a multi-movement work)

I feel like I should also include one that I composed before I got into the program...

River Tam Beats Up Everyone [for percussion quartet] (I hope to also expand this into a multi-movement work...)

~ * ~

So here's some ideas I have for the future.

River Tam Beats Up Everyone [for reference, see this film and read this comic]

I. Opening/Henchmen

II. Gunslingers

III. Cyborg Ninjas

IV. Evil Clone on Mountaintop

So those probably won't be the final titles (I just came up with those on the spot), but that's the general idea. I'm thinking what I have now will be the "Opening/Henchmen."

Three Dances for Woodwind Quartet

I. Calamity Dance

II. Slow Dance

III. Nu Dance

Essentially it'll be a basic Fast-Slow-Fast suite. "Calamity Dance" I have, obviously. "Slow Dance" I can salvage out of my first attempt at a woodwind quartet piece. The "Nu Dance" I'm thinking will use a driving quarter-note rhythm ala techno/disco/etc for most of it, and will probably morph into something else by the end (based on a discussion Isaac and I had today; people used to actually dance to classic music, like at parties and such, but modern classical pieces called "dances" aren't usually danced to by people unless it's going to be "modern dance"; ergo, I intend for the third movement to be able, at least, to be danced to by the layperson).

Post-Apocalyptic Jam for Percussion

Scenario: the world has essentially ended. Civilization is literally in rubble. A small village of people eventually assembles out of the rubble. They get to the point where they need entertainment, ala music. Here's where this piece comes in. What kind of music would be made after the end of the world? What kinds of instruments would be used? Obviously primarily percussion, mostly found-sounds kind of stuff (brake drum, spring, [this would be the perfect opportunity to use the broken autoharp we have in the percussion room], log drum, maybe a hand drum of some sort, other pieces of metal, etc...). I also want to use a radio tuned to a static channel, using volume swells and maybe some slight modulation of the frequency. It'd be fun and interesting.

House of Leaves

I. Zampanò/Johnny Truant

II. 5 1/2 Minute Hallway

III. "In my father's house are many rooms"

IV. The Spiral Staircase

V. Exploration #5

VI. "The child is gone."/Yggradasil

I'll just copy and paste the notes I made as I was coming up with this...

i. Introduction of *Zampano’s theme*, introduction of *Johnny’s theme*, interplay between the two

a. Slightly ominous, but not scary

b. Still mostly clear, but with some mystery (strange and sudden key change[s])

ii. Prominent use of echoes (statement; statementàecho; statementàechoàfurther obscured echo; etc)

a. Quiet and distant growl(s)

b. Lots of mystery and obscurity, but still grounded in reality

c. Introduction of *the house’s theme*

iii. More disorienting and scary, sudden tempo and dynamic changes

a. More growling (not full volume yet)

b. Hints of reality come through now and then (hints of Johnny’s theme)

c. Have each section be a “room,” but always black, ashen walls (ie, monotonous)

d. End with an organ transition into the next section (The Grand Hall)

iv. Really disorienting

a. Organ intro, get quiet, then quickly (though not suddenly) crescendo and SCREAM the growl

b. Utter chaos, ala Stravinsky (not Schoenberg), occasionally SCREAM

c. Loud but thickly veiled echoes of Zampano’s theme

d. House’s theme = central point, though

v. Quiet intro; entire movement is gradual increase in tempo and dynamics, representing going down the hill

a. The end suddenly gets to loud and screeching halt, with a quieter sustained note, and then a loud fanfare like chorale, and then quiet

b. Slightly veiled restatements of all themes

c. Resolution of house’s theme

vi. Resolution of Johnny’s theme; then resolution of Zampano’s theme

a. Quiet, slow, sad, contemplative movement

b. End on a final tonic major chord

If you haven't read House of Leaves, I still highly suggest it to anyone who won't be offended by frequent "sinning" and the like. It's incredible. I'm not sure yet of the instrumentation, yet, but I'm pretty sure I want organ (probably doubling on piano), some strings, some winds, two percussionists, at least two vocalists... yeah.

Some lonely composition titles I've come up with:

Definitely Beautiful

Suburban Waves

I Wanna Know You

Yep. One composer in the program got, from what I understood, a full-ride scholarship to a doctoral music program somewhere. Made me think that I could do the same. Do I want to do that? Maybe. That's the distant future. For now I'll focus on smaller goals.

--Jon

[UPDATE 5/18/10]: Okay, so after watching a Randall Monroe talk, I realized that one of the "River Tam" movements has to be about dinosaurs.

I Finished the Book in 9 Days

I finished House of Leaves. Jesus. The book was amazing. The ending was perfect. Wow.

Need I say any more?

My First Time Buying an ACTUAL Book In a Long Time... And I'm Thinking of Returning It

Right now, it is 4:18 AM. I haven't slept at all. Perhaps I should start with my trip to the bookstore.

I wanted to get the WWU Bookstore's quarterly coupon book. I rarely use many of the coupons, but I usually use a few. However, I needed to buy something. Rather than just get a pencil, I instead browsed the books. I considered getting Fight Club or 1984 or Stephen Colbert's I Am America, and So Can You! I started reading a book called (quite ironically, looking back now) The Boy Who Couldn't Sleep and Never Had To, but it failed to retain my interest. Then I remembered a book I had been considering reading for awhile now... Mark Z. Danielewski's House of Leaves.

I had heard about the book via an xkcd strip that parodied the book. I read the product descriptions and review on the Amazon page that followed and was very intrigued. I think I read the book in a chair in the bookstore for about half an hour, maybe more, before deciding to buy it. I bought some MSG-ified lunch, ate it, and continued reading for another hour. I went to class earlier. Read some more. Took notes in class. Walked to band. Read more. Played percussion in band. Read more. Came home. Read a LOT more. For those of you that don't know me... this isn't something I usually do.

Or maybe it is, and maybe this book is constructed specifically for people like me, who can't pay attention to one thing for too long? I was thinking about this today; I tend to get very caught up in stories (more on that later...), but if a story stays stagnant too long, I lose interest (I probably have undiagnosed ADD of some sort). It's the same reason [good] video games appeal to me I think; the gameplay gives my ADD a break from the storyline and vice versa; the way it's constructed allows my brain to follow it more easily. Maybe that's [part of] why I was so initially enraptured by the book.

I stopped reading at about 11 o'clock, I think. I won't get into the book's subject at all, but it didn't settle well with me. The supernatural and the unknown tend not to. There was definitely something not natural about the book's subject and contents, even though I suspect that even the book's characters are fabricating the events that they're relating to me, the reader. After avoiding sleepiness for a long time, I finally caved in and decided it was time to hit the sack.

Kind of.

Only I kept stalling. As a rare occurrence, I had my desk light on. It made me feel a little more comfortable. I didn't want to turn it off. I haven't turned any lights off yet since the sun's gone down. I was afraid to turn the light off. I AM afraid to turn the light off. I keep thinking of a few key passages in the book about how the characters' perceptions of darkness started changing, and how something was in it, something never seen, but always lurking, always just beyond their field of vision (I just heard a sound outside [wind against a flagpole] and just about pissed myself). It's not that I think that something actually exists, but... I'm afraid that when I turn the lights off and get lost within my thoughts, I will think that.

I actually did manage to get into bed (though I kept my [very bright] desk lamp on). I tried listening to music. But I had a hard time even closing my eyes. The wind outside hasn't been helping. I'm very anxious. And this is why I'm considering returning the book. But how embarrassing would that be? Returning a recreational book? Because it scared me?!

Horror stories have fascinated me for years, somehow. And yet every time I come to them, they incapacitate me with unnatural and irrational fear. I think it revolves around how I just get sucked into stories; I find myself really relating to characters in stories as if they were nearly-real (never actually real; never real enough to be seen with my eyes, standing in front of me). I find myself anxious to see or hear what happens next in a story, almost as anxious as I am to see or hear what happens next in my life. I spend a lot of time daydreaming in my head, just "spacing out." This, too, likely has a connection to the experiences I have with stories of all kinds. It's not like I think the stories are real... but often in my daydreaming I will quickly alternate between thoughts of actual events, hypothetical events, and fictional events; that is to say, things that have happened already or are happening, things that might happen in the future or that I wish would happen or wouldn't happen etc, and the made-up stories I read, hear, and see. Sometimes they interplay with each other more than they should I think. Again, I'm not a schizophrenic; I never believe that untrue events become true. Sometimes I just get lost in my thoughts.

And this is probably why scary stories so truly scare me, especially at night, when I have nothing but my own thoughts and darkness (or even with the lights on, my small room and the endless darkness outside). When my daydreams are all I have, they get that much closer to reality, becoming the dreams and nightmares that I have when I sleep, which, often when I am having them, are very real to my perceptions.

Does this mean that something is wrong with me? Wrong is probably the wrong word. Not usual might be more appropriate. Thought it could become wrong if more nights come without sleep. It's not like this is a developing case; this is how I've been for some time. I remember how deeply terrified I was after watching The Ring for the first time, or when I played Silent Hill, or when I was a child, watched Child's Play, Halloween... I'm sure there were others. They scared me, but I was somehow intrigued by them. Now, these movies and games seem mostly silly, especially when real life constitutes my day.

If I avoid the stories that stir such fear in me, as I have been for the past couple of years, does that make me a coward? Maybe I have too much downtime, too much time to sit and think. But surely, people read, people watch movies. People read scary books and watch scary movies. It's not as simple as just staying busy and ignoring the things that scare me. Perhaps just this once, I'll confront my fears and read this book in its entirety. Perhaps afterwards, I'll give the book to someone else, purge it from my life, and henceforth go on with my life without wandering into the distractions of these fear-inducing tales.

We'll see how I hold up. I don't think I'd mind being a coward.

--Jon

p.s., I am confident that when they day begins, I will feel fine again (aside from the sleep deprivation, of course). If I leave the book, things will get back into the same regular flow they were in. Maybe my life needs some interruption? Maybe not. In my current very-very-tired state, everything get jumbled, especially when I'm alone. The daylight will shine more than a little light on everything.

Final Fantasy XIII: Awesome, but... (a game review)

Boy oh boy, was I excited for this game. This summer I played through Final Fantasy X, and it was an amazing experience. I attempted to play through XII, and was extremely disappointed. But after years of footage and images and news stories piling up and showing that this game might be a new favorite, I started getting more than a little STOKED. Overall, I'd definitely have to say that excitement paid off, but not without a few cringes and eye-rolls.

I'll start off with the things that I loved about this game. First of all and easiest to agree on and talk about, the graphics. Wow. The transition between CG and in-game graphics is getting close to being seamless, and the world presented is totally gorgeous. Look here for an example (just skip to about 4 minutes in; that would be the opening of the game, which throws you right into the action).

The gameplay is rather awesome; arguably one of the best battle systems that the series has seen, aside from Final Fantasy X. I'm quite glad they did away with the boring MMORPG-like shittiness of XII and decided to bake up a fresh take on the ATB system that's both exciting and strategic. The crystarium system, the new vehicle of character growth, is also great; it's a bit similar to the sphere grid of Final Fantasy X, but a little easier to work with. Many people have expressed strong dislike of the linearity of the game, but I didn't mind so much; I'd say it's largely a reflection of the nature of the storyline (being fugitives constantly on the run doesn't give you much time to wander around cities where everyone wants you dead). I think people have just been spoiled by Western RPGs like Fallout, Elder Scrolls, and Dragon Age, which I would argue lack any kind of focus. Personally, I enjoyed the streamlined gameplay; it makes the storyline, IMO the most important part of the game, more up-front, and makes it all make sense.

Now, what I really want to talk about: the plot [SPOILER ALERT]. The plot started out being among my favorites in the series. The game's primary setting is Cocoon, an enormous Death Star-like world (but even BIGGER) that floats above Pulse, a more naturey world seen by Cocoon citizens as Hellish; anyone that comes into contact with anything from Pulse is seen as a virus and immediate threat to society that needs to be wiped out on the spot. Both worlds are run by gods known as fal'Cie that tend to the humans like pets. Long ago, Pulse and Cocoon warred, with no particular winner.

After the game's opening, six characters are thrown together via some sort of chance happenings and bound to the same fates; they have been marked by Pulse fal'Cie and made into tools of their home's destruction (l'Cie). Now all of them are on the run, trying to figure out how to get loved ones back, avoid their pursuers, stay alive, and figure out how to get rid of their marks, lest time runs out and their turn into monstrous, mindless, zombie-like beings (Cie'th). In their journey across their home of Cocoon, we are shown flashbacks of the thirteen days before the game's opening, which shed light on present events. Namely, two of the six characters are revealed to be from the lower-world of Pulse, having awoken from a several-hundred-year-crystal-sleep and caused the characters to be in the bind they're now all in. It's a very emotional journey, with some pretty prominent and tough themes (destiny, loyalty, government/religion-led fear-mongering, forgiveness). The pacing of it is just right, and kept me on the edge of my seat, even if we were just wandering through a junk-heap or a manufactured forest/bioweapon-production lab.

However, about halfway through the game, everything is shattered by a crazy plot-twist: the characters were being guided and kept alive by a rogue Cocoon fal'Cie that wants to destroy its world as a sacrifice to bring back its super-God Maker, which created the world and left it in disarray. This is all revealed right after he kills the only primary villain up to that point. At this point, despite some of the most epic boss battle music ever, the game really loses some of its focus. The characters end up on Pulse (which is a bit less hellish than the government would have liked its citizens to know) and wander around aimlessly for awhile (ironically, this is when most people seem to think the game gets better). Eventually they end up at two of the characters' former homes, now overrun by monsters, Cie'th, and a mysterious, light crystal snow (which, unfortunately never is explained). This part is probably the best since that goofy plot twist. After another encounter with the aforementioned rogue fal'Cie, Barthandalus, the characters go back up to Cocoon to stop its destruction.

The invasion scene that accompanies this is completely ridiculous and anime-like, having probably been done by the same people that made the similarly ridiculous Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children. Anyways, the characters make it through the city, all epic-like, and the game picks up and starts being good again. Then, suddenly, it seems like the writers of the game got to crunch time and started running out of ideas, so they killed off a really awesome character without even a shred of emotion, and then threw everyone into a tedious labyrinth to the final boss. Amidst that fight, things get REALLY ridiculous and confusing... and then they get even MORE ridiculous and confusing... until the ending movie of the game, which made me throw my palm to into my face. Suddenly, boom, EVERYTHING IS HAPPY. Even though the characters kind of fucked up by almost fulfilling their literally-god-given-duty of destroying their home-world... they and their world is saved by what they call a "miracle," and what I call "bad writing," and/or "bad planning." That super-God "Maker" guy I talked about? Never even shows up. They could have really done something with that if he had, and accentuated some of the themes of the game. They could have done a lot of stuff that would have made the game more awesome than it was. Instead, it's just kind of awesome. Fortunately, they're thinking of doing a direct sequel to this game, which hopefully will be better than Final Fantasy X-2, and could tie up some very, very loose ends.

Another complaint I have about this plot is the lack of depth at some points. How did Lightning and Serah's parents die? How did that affect them? How did Snow meet Serah? How did Sazh's wife die? How did that affect them? What happened to Vanille and Fang's hometown? Does the Maker actually exist, or is it just some myth that the fal'Cie made up? Or is that question meant to go unanswered? Whatever happened to Hope's father? Where WERE Serah and Dajh when they were in crystal suspension? What happened to the rest of NORA (I did like that they at least appeared in the final chapters of the game, but...)? It's these sorts of unanswered questions that frustrated me the most. [SPOILER ALERT OVER]

Despite all the negative stuff about the plot, I still loved most of it. My eyes almost got watery at a couple of points, and I found my heart beating fast and my hands clenched at the controller at some of the more poignant points in the story. The game was incredibly fun to play. The soundtrack was AMAZING. I wouldn't have wanted anyone other than Masashi Hamauzu to take over the series' music (except maybe Yasunori Mitsuda); I really admired his work on Final Fantasy X. He does even better on this soundtrack. His adaptations of the chocobo theme are ingenious, and unlike the music to XII (man, it really seems like I'm hating on that game... probably rightfully so), he manages to make epic, blood-pumping music that is really enjoyable to listen to. He also did a phenomenal job with his usage of leitmotifs throughout the game.

I think I've talked enough about the game. It was good! Go play it!

FINAL SCORE: +3.7 (on a scale of -5 to +5)

--Jon

Custodians

There's this one custodian who cleans a certain building at Western who is always there mopping the floor when I go to my meetings. The custodian, a small, old man, stops his cleaning to let me walk past. He's usually unsmiling and rather unhappy looking (I'm not too sure what reason he'd have to smile, as cleaning the floor is really not that fun), but lately I've smiled at him and said "hello" or "excuse me" or something, and he always cheers up and says something kind in response.

The other day, I was in the performing arts building, and there were two custodians hauling a large cart of clearing supplies down the hall. I needed to go down the same hall they were about to go down, and one of the custodians respectfully opened the door for me and let me go first, and I thanked him. I came to another door in the hallway (come to think of it, those doors are completely pointless), and I performed the polite and normal act of holding the door so they could push the large cart through. Rather than just saying "thanks," one of them said, "Thank you! Not many students would do that for us." I talked with them a little bit about doors, and although it wasn't the most interesting conversation, I realized that few people realize what custodians do for us. If we encountered a professor in the hall, even if we didn't know that professor, we'd at least simile and acknowledge their existence. I feel as though we almost always ignore custodians and pretend they aren't there.

I bet custodians realize that they're under-appreciated, and we, as students, can make a huge difference in their lives by at least smiling at them and telling them "good morning." But I'm not saying that we should feel sorry for or suck up to them; I'm simply stating what I have observed and concluded. I encourage everyone to befriend a custodian, because they are some of the nicest people I've ever met.

--Elie

Craziest Week Ever!

It's not even Finals Week yet, and I have a final every day this week except Monday. On top of THOSE finals, I have to finish two 800 word lecture reviews that I procrastinate on, prepare for finals and juries next week, prepare a radio show for this weekend, prepare for practically-sight-reading with the orchestra this weekend, entertain my parents when they visit me this weekend, band concert this weekend, band concert I just finished, attend the last club meetings of the quarter, and on top of that all I figured out the next four years of my life last night, and it looks like I'll be in college for a total of 5.6 years. And beside all of this, I bought Final Fantasy XIII. It's fantastic. But I have no time to play it because of all of this stuff going on! BLAARGH! This is madness!

...Madness...?

THIS.

IS.

COLLEGE.

--Jon

p.s., on a side-note, I'm in the Wind Symphony next quarter, we're playing an awesome epic piece, and the composer will be in residence! Huzzah! AND. Bianco will have the biggest Mahler hammer ever. :D

I'm Wasting My Time at College

Man, I really need to post an up-beat blog. Maybe someday...

Anyway, as winter quarter ends and registration for spring quarter begins, I'm realizing more and more that I'm waiting my time at college. It's not like I have nothing to do or that I hate what I'm doing, 'cause I'm doing a lot of stuff that I really love. But I'm only taking 3 classes that count towards my major each quarter. What a waste of time! My credits are fluffed with a mentoring class (which is great for practical experience, but doesn't count towards my education major, ironically), and band/lessons. Together, that's 4-6 credits that aren't going towards a degree. And I'll already be in college for an abnormally long period of time due to my large major and endorsements.

For a few days, I was convinced I was going to take four classes towards my major next quarter, and volunteer for the mentoring program and band, so I would be taking an equivalent of 22 or 23 credits. It didn't sound that scary because band, lessons, and the mentoring program don't give out homework. Basically, I'd only have to do homework for four classes. But then I realized I would have NO time to do homework or do my practicum work. So I cannot take four classes for my major/endorsement; I can only take three. So now I'm back to shuffling my feet through college, only taking a few classes at a time. This cannot be a good way to spend my time, but there's no way I can NOT see my 5th graders or participate in the music program or in my clubs. Ug. I'm so conflicted!

Blog gods, please guide me in the right direction. Amen.

~Elie